How do we age? How did I get here? This last week, a phrase haunted me, “Age crept up on me.” I turned 67 years old this summer—not old in today’s world, but. . .. So, naturally, I wrote a poem.
As I look back over my life, I remember my mom and dad in their late 60s, and I was in my 40s and 50s when they were my current age. They were active and full of life but appeared much older than I feel today—interesting.
Going back another generation to my grandparents when they were in their 60s, they seemed ancient. So, it’s all perspective, I guess.
I do know today, I have arthritic aches and pains and troubles with my stomach, but I don’t feel 67. So that begs to ask, what does 67 feel like?
I’ve seen 6 decades plus come and go—a multitude of advances. The TV was just coming in when I was a child, so I’ve always had a TV. We didn’t get a phone in our home until I was about ten years old, so I’ve had some sort of phone for most of my life. I touched my first computer in 1981 when I was a student at Colorado State University and have had access to one ever since—39 years!
And that phrase, “Age crept up on me” caused me lots of wandering through my life.
Here’s my poem that came out of this week’s musings:
Age Crept Up on Me!
August 12, 2020
Only yesterday, I was 16
It seems
You may laugh
My age shows
In wrinkles
Years lived
Dyed red hair to hide the grey
With white
Escaping near my eyes
Something happened!
An acceleration
Of time
Of minutes
Of years
Recently
Is it a side effect of the coronavirus?
Too much time on my hands?
Pondering my existence
In uncertain times?
I remember 18
High school graduation
Four students in my graduating class
Started kindergarten together
Trinidad State Junior College
Fifty miles from home
Anxious about my future
And how my dreams
Would play out
I remember 20
Newly married
With life and dreams
Spread out before me.
Hopeful and positive
I remember 30
Divorced and devastated
At the university as a student
And
Starting over
With dreams of being a teacher
I remember 40
In sexual trauma treatment
For incest
Uncovering and recovering from
Childhood pain
And dashed dreams
I remember 50
Celebrated at
The National Square Dance Convention
In Oklahoma City
Serenaded at our After Party by
Jerry Junck
Mike Hogan
Lanny Weaklend
Still dreaming
About possibilities
I remember 60
Mom had just died
A feeble celebration in Branson
With Bub, Lin and Jackie
My dreams diminished by the pain
The loss
Yes, you see
I’m not 16
But 67!
I look in the mirror
And recently
Somehow
Age crept up on me
In that reflection
I see years
Life
Experiences
Received no warning,
No alarm,
I see an older woman,
A matured lady,
A seasoned Larada
Where did the years go?
Fast living
A rich life
A multitude of adventures
Yes, age crept up!
Quickly
Relentlessly
Quietly
Without warning
So be aware
It can and will
Happen to you!
My hope and prayer is that I continue to age gracefully and with spunk! I hope to redefine any concepts you may have about older adults.
What are you thoughts on aging? Has it crept up on you, too? How do you handle it?
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SORRY: Another side trip away from our British Isles Cruise. I will resume it next week with Day 5: Kirkwall in Orkney Islands, Scotland!
We just returned from a square and round dance vacation week at Fun Valley RV park at South Fork, CO, and the week was an emotional roller coaster ride for me!
Lin with 4 scoops of ice cream and a brownie!
The weekend started off with dinner Saturday night with a group of 25 dancers at the Firehouse restaurant in South Fork. We connected and reconnected with friends anticipating a great week. Lin had his traditional oversized ice cream treat!
Sunday morning started off with our annual potluck brunch—another gathering of friends, giving us time to visit. I talked with a friend I’ve known for years but really didn’t know her history—it was a precious sharing time.
Sunday evening dinner started the official week’s activities. After dinner, Lin and I sought out a Colorado couple we had invited to this week. I signed up with the enthusiastic wife of this couple to do the horseback trail ride on Monday morning at 11:00. Ever since I had heard the horses would be there this year, I had been so excited. In previous years, the horses were already gone when we arrived because we’re the last week of the season at this RV park.
We dressed casually for Sunday night’s dance, laughed and twirled. I squealed often as I saw friends from Utah, Colorado and Texas who I hadn’t seen in a year. A great evening of square dancing to Gary Shoemake and Jerry Gilbreath and round dancing to the cues of Steve Harris with his lovely wife, Lori, supporting him on the sidelines.
Monday morning, I ate breakfast and donned my boots for the ride. Lin drove me to the stables, and my friend was there with her husband. They had 5 horses saddled and ready after they finished the 10:00 ride, and this ride was going to be a blast because I knew all the riders.
I had wondered if I could even get up on the horse—I haven’t ridden in 20 years! I was so proud of myself that I did, with a little struggle for sure!
Me on a horse after 20 years!Starting out!A look at the river!
The ride was glorious—clear blue Colorado sky, the Rio Grande beside us and aspen trees still dressed in green leaves. I kept taking pictures with my iPhone as we rode–which confused my horse because I kept drawing his head over to the right! It was perfect—until that moment happened. First behind me, one horse kicked another which caused the kicked horse to buck and its rider hit the ground. Then the loose horse galloped past all of us which stirred our horses up. One rider galloped off to try to catch the loose horse, then my friend’s horse jumped into a gallop like a bullet, and she was gone.
I realized I had about 5 – 10 seconds before my horse jumped in with the other horses running back to the barn. His ears went straight up, and his eyes focused on the three racing horses; quickly, I turned him in the opposite direction. He jumped up and down, revving up to take off, but I kept him turned the other way and kept his head tight, then I circled him and circled him, and he calmed down.
When my friend’s horse took off, I thought, “Wow, she’s a good rider,” but she lost her stirrup when she was startled, and she fell off and was severely hurt. I applaud the care and concern the EMT’s showed her—they gently worked with her to move her into the ambulance. The wrangler and I stayed with her, then I rode to Del Norte in the ambulance with her.
When I got out of the ambulance, her husband was already there, so we went to the emergency room waiting room, and I filled him in on all the facts of the accident. We spent a lot of the afternoon there with her being x-rayed and tested. When we were finally brought back to her room, her sense of humor prevailed. She held up her mangled, bruised left hand and said, “Oh, Larada! I broke a nail!” Lin joined us at the emergency room to support our dear friends during this stressful time.
I was able to offer objective suggestions to my friend’s husband because, thinking back now, he was in shock! At first, he was going to drive back to Denver and they were going to airlift her; I strongly suggested his wife needed him with her in the plane, and we would take care of their car and possessions in their room.
So, they were flown to a Denver area airport and transported to a hospital. Lin drove their car back to Fun Valley, and I drove our car. I called my brother for assurance after such a horrible day, and his supported helped me. Lin and I packed up their room and got their car to another Denver dancer to drive home on Saturday.
Finally, when we were alone, I
cried—so heart broke for my friend’s severe injuries! We didn’t square dance
that night, but I did one round dance with tears in my eyes, and Gary Shoemake
helped me out!
Needless to say, this incident affected me the rest of the week. Tuesday is blur to me—we did some of the activities, but our attention was on our phones and any messages from my friend’s husband. Her diagnosis dribbled in—cracked ribs and some dislocated which punctured a lung, a concussion and fractured vertebrae.
Tuesday afternoon, we did participate in a practice session for the skits our group would put on at the Wednesday night After Party. The highlight of Tuesday night was the skit the calling/cuing staff did at the After Party. The five of them danced to “Pretty Woman” in a unique manner. Check out my video below! This video has been blocked because of Copyright infringements, so I had to mute the song. Sorry viewers!
“Pretty Woman” Skit
Wednesday was a free day and many of the dancers traveled to Creede, CO to square dance in the unique fire house cut out of the side of a mountain, but we stayed at the RV. Lin had volunteered to make 2 batches of homemade ice cream, and my stomach problems flared up, so I spent the afternoon in bed—I couldn’t shake the tragedy or the stomach pain! The ice cream social was a new addition and it was a smashing success—four dancers made different recipes and all were delicious!
Wednesday night I came out of the funk some. It was theme night, “Pajama party,” so we participated. I enjoyed the skits put on by other dancers at the After Party, then we did our skit. I should have known that Lin would do something to shock me, and he did! He changed the punch line and totally caught me off guard—the audience loved the affect it had on me!
Daily, we got updates about our injured friend and it was up and down!
By Thursday, I felt better and enjoyed the dancing. The week’s schedule provided lots of round dance teaches and square dance workshops all day, then we had a dance each evening.
Our cute jockey and her pony!Lin mounted and ready to win the race!
One of my favorite parts of this week is the horse racing Thursday afternoon where people buy a horse, choose a jockey for their wooden horse and the race is on. This year we had a hilarious addition—a Utah dancer dressed up in a pony costume and did the first race! With lots of laughter and fun, friendly competition prevailed.
Every year at the Thursday night dance callers and cuers in attendance are invited to call a square dance tip or cue a round dance. Lori Harris talked to me last year about cuing, but we ran out of time to practice. This year I practiced a favorite, “Could I Have This Dance?” a couple times with Steve’s professional advice and encouragement. Steve and Lori danced it while I cued and continued to give me helpful hints about this new endeavor. I was really nervous and wanted to get it over quickly, so I did the first round of the night—what an experience! It went well, and what a thrill to be able to stay ahead of the dancers, stay on beat, and see dancers smiling! It was fantastic! I plan to continue this new activity when I finish the Marshall Flippo biography.
Thursday’s theme was “Country and Western night,” so dancers donned jeans, hats and boots. This festive night ended with Jerry Gilbreath singing many good ole country tunes we all love and us two-stepping the night away.
The Caddies for the Women Golfers!Lin distracting the other golfers!The golfers & the caddies!
Friday was the famous “Miniature Golf Tournament.” Lin was asked again to be a caddy, and he did a exceptional job because of his exuberance and sense of humor. All the caddies successfully fulfilled their task: distracting the other golfers with their zany costumes and make-shift drums (pot lids and spoons). The caddies for the women golfers outdid themselves, as you can see!
Part of the 2020 NMSRDA State Festival Committee
The dance week ended Friday night with a festive evening of dancing and trophies given out to the winners of the different competitions. Our group from Albuquerque dressed in our 2020 state festival outfits—colorful and delightful!
Yes, the start of the week broke my heart, but I was able to regroup and first participated and then enjoyed the rest of the week. I rose to the occasion to help in the emergency room and kept calm and collected. Getting myself out of a funk isn’t easy, but I knew that my injured friend and her husband would want me to! Life certainly contains both tragedy and joy–it’s important how we handle both!
How do you handle tragedies? What’s your success secret? Do you have a horse story?
Curl up with one of my books–either paperback or ebook format!
20% discount on all 4 of my book bundles until September 22,
2019. Also, FREE
SHIPPING now in the USA. Visit my Etsy Shop for all my
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Whitey & Gladys Puerling were playful friends of Flippo’s
who created a Fan Club. I thought it would be fun to recreate this group. Would
you like to join the Marshall Flippo Fan Club Facebook page? Read interesting
posts about Flippo’s life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
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Sorry, readers, I’m changing horses mid-stream! I’m in the midst of writing a travelogue of our British Isles cruise, but these last couple weeks have been full. I don’t know what the word “bored” means! So. . . here we go! The trip will have to wait a week.
Flippo and Me at CALLERLAB in Albuquerque, 2018
First and foremost—Monday, September 2 is Marshall Flippo’s birthday. He would have 92-years-old this year! Two years ago, Lin and I were with him in Paris, Texas at the annual Chaparral square and round dance weekend, and he was calling for the last time. Flip had called at this event for years! He was on his “Farewell to the Road” tour which would end up in Abilene, Texas to finish up his successful career where he started at the Wagon Wheel Square Dance Center. What a memorable time that was for sure!
I’m writing Flippo’s biography, and I had hoped to have him here to see the finished product, and he so wanted to do that! What a joy this project has been! If you knew Flip, you know he was a storyteller supreme, so I’ve had to drastically cut out some of his stories from the 37 interviews I did.
They are not lost though! I plan to put them on my website
for people who buy his book to read, so stay tuned!
Happy birthday, Flippo! We miss your raspy voice, loving heart
and quick wit!
On that same vein, yesterday I attended the funeral of John Clark, a dear 98-year-old neighbor, who lived across the street from me in Branson, Colorado. I witnessed my rich heritage in being a part of a loving ranching community that remembers and honors its own.
Yes, 98-years-old is quite elderly, and John had seen the
world change unbelievably, but he was ready “to go”—to be with his Lord and
loving wife, Betty who passed a couple years ago!
The gathering at his memorial touched my heart. Being a Navy veteran of World War II, two sailors in dress whites unfurled the flag ceremoniously, then refolded it and handed it to John’s youngest daughter with admiration and respect for John’s service to his country. Attendees listened as one of the sailor’s played taps on a bugle which brought tears to my eyes and many sitting around me.
John’s four daughters and their children celebrated his life with many friends from the surrounding ranching communities. I saw mostly cowboy hats held in hands or stashed under chairs and boots, cleaned up and proper to show respect for John.
During an open time to share memories of John, I heard platitudes
about his rich, full life. One friend shared one specific story about John
almost getting killed during the war if he had been standing where he normally
was!
Others told humorous tales. Many honored the work he did for many ranchers in the area—John ran a bulldozer, fixing roads through dangerous canyons and moving miles of dirt from reservoirs. My Dad said watching him work was like poetry in motion!
Grandchildren, great grandchildren and nieces shared memories of a man who stood center in this fun-loving family. They talked of regular game nights when they were together in Branson; John didn’t participate but sat in his chair close by and enjoyed the activity, laughter and love that surrounded him.
It was a privilege to be present to see a man weep as he shared about his relationship with John–honest emotion that validated his loss.
After the service, I visited with friends I hadn’t seen for
years—a great time to reconnect and remember.
What a heritage I have where I can hear a 91-year-old woman who went to school with my Mom tell an 89-year-old woman, “Say hello to my younger friend!” Laughter exploded at this statement, but it made me think about the reality here! A celebration of age and longevity!
I drove home, marveling at the spirit of unity and love present at John’s service. After Dad died, John and Betty helped Mom. When Mom died, they did the same for me. At night when I locked the front door and saw the light in their bedroom, I always felt safe and secure and knew help was close.
One last musing—my brother, my husband and I attended the 6th Annual Cimarron Cowboy Music and Poetry Gathering in Cimarron, New Mexico August 22 – 25. We have only missed the first year!
We love this event hosted at Philmont Boy Scout Ranch, a
beautiful venue. Again, the poets and musicians entertained us Friday night,
all day Saturday and Saturday night. We laughed; we cried. We enjoyed those we
had seen before and celebrated new comers who brought a refreshing new flavor
to the event.
There’s no way I can list all of my favorite singers/poets—I tried, and I was typing everyone’s names! One new entertainer I enjoyed was Barry Ward, who spoke to my heart with his song, “That Old Barn.”
It’s a relaxing weekend in a slow-paced community. On Friday before the Gathering started, we drove to Eagle Nest to the Flea Market and had a blast shopping and listening to music! They had a one-man entertainer there singing old time songs, so we sat and enjoyed the beautiful Moreno valley scenery and the live music.
Look at a couple photos taken at past Gatherings:
Larada joined in too!Lin participating in the fun!My brother & I dancing on the right edge.
So, you can see—I have a rich, full life where I witness and celebrate life where I can which can be in the midst of death and loss. My country blood rages through my veins, directing me to slow down and enjoy this moment, these people, and this place.
Join me on the front porch!
So, join me on the front porch with a glass of ice tea for a chat! I would love to talk!
Curl up with
one of my books–either paperback or ebook format! 20% discount on all 4 of my
book bundles until September 22, 2019. Visit my Etsy Shop for all my
books, Larada’s Reading Loft
Whitey &
Gladys Puerling were playful friends of Flippo’s who created a Fan Club. I
thought it would be fun to recreate this group. Would you like to join the
Marshall Flippo Fan Club Facebook page? Read interesting posts about Flippo’s
life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Be the 200th
to pre-order the Marshall Flippo biography! You can select which paper format
or e-book format you would like. Go here to order the version you want. Monthly
SWAG Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
I confess—I am a workaholic, and I’ve
dealt with it for years. I just kept moving, busy, busy, busy and thought that
was normal.
Here’s a definition in case you’re
wondering:
A workaholic is a person who works compulsively. While the term generally implies that the person enjoys their work, it can also alternately imply that they simply feel compelled to do it. There is no generally accepted medical definition of such a condition,
It all started in 1982 when I went back to Colorado State University to get my BA degree in English, my minor in Spanish with an Education concentration. Sounds pretty normal—four-year goal to finish it! Sounds reasonable!
But I was 28 years old, recently divorced and working full time as a beautician. I did get financial aid in the form of grants and loans, but I worked part time at the beauty salon to supplement my income the first year. I did try to do some babysitting that year, but having never had children, parents thought I should know what to do with their babies, and I didn’t, so that fizzled out quickly, thank God!
At the end of my freshman year, Dr. Smith who became my favorite English professor, asked me if I’d be interested in being a mentor in the English department computer lab. I was asked because of my grade point average. I had never touched a computer before in my life. The interview went well–we had a lot in common, both had rural backgrounds—me ranching and him farming. So, I got the job!
So, for rest of my three years at the CSU, I went to school full-time, worked at the beauty salon three days a week and as a mentor in the computer lab, except for my last semester when I did my student teaching, I only worked at the beauty salon on Saturday’s that semester and I stopped the mentoring position. Wow!! And the semester I carried 18 credit hours, I had a 4.0 grade average!
It all started then—working all the time became natural.
Then as a new teacher in Denver,
Colorado and then Raton, New Mexico, it was easy for me to continue this
lifestyle: I taught English and regularly worked until 10:00 each night,
grading papers and preparing for class the next day.
Then as the years unfolded in Raton, I became the cheerleading sponsor which demanded I attend basketball and football games after work. I also was the Student Council sponsor which required more after school meetings and my time.
When I moved to Albuquerque, I chaired the Technology committee for five years at the first school. This was the time that local area networks were coming in and we did the work ourselves. Often, I was teased that my committee was the hardest working one.
At another school, I had a computer club after school. At this time, I got really active in square dancing and volunteered whenever asked.
Over the last twenty-eight years in
Albuquerque, my volunteerism in the square dance world rocketed: chairman of a
national convention, published a quarterly newsletter, published a booklet of
national square dance events, chaired two square dance festivals off-and-on, a
board member for the Albuquerque Square Dance Center, ad nauseum!
In 1992, I volunteered to be on the
committee that ran the yearly reunion for the small school I attended in
southeastern Colorado and continued to do it.
The point is I’ve overdone it for years! For several years now, I have lamented regularly to friends that I was a workaholic and didn’t know how to stop! I didn’t want to quit any of my pet projects—I loved them all equally. So, I just kept going—I didn’t know how to quit.
But last year, I finally realized I needed to quit some of my obligations, so I let the reunion committee know that this year would be my last. Many of my friends at home don’t believe I’m really quitting, but I am!
With that resignation, I realized something: I could do it. All I needed to do was do it.
Since then, I have given up the chairmanship of one square dance festivals, so I’m whittling away the list.
What helped me finally face the reason for my constant activity was a revelation. I am an incest survivor, and my little girl believed if I kept moving, no one could get me again—that’s pretty amazing! The hypervigilant constant frenzy felt comfortable and safe in the midst of the chaos it created in my life.
As I let go of these commitments, today I celebrate all the work I did. Workaholics are the type of people you want on any committee you’re on—we love to do our work and yours too! I met wonderful people all over the United States doing what I did, but today I want to be able to say, “I’m a relax-aholic instead!”
I’m afraid my current health issues may be the result of the many years of stress I’ve placed on myself. I’ve had a stomach problem since March, and I’ve had to step back and say, “No!” often. We’ve missed several family functions and dance events, and I hate that! I’m so used to going, going, going, but I can’t right now!
The results of that have been many nights at home with my dear husband, Lin, watching TV, soaking in our hot tub and not doing much—in some ways it feels so foreign, yet we’ve gotten into a routine and even my old cat, Jesse, loves it. In the evening after our hot tub time, Jesse perches up on the arm of the loveseat on my side, ready for the TV to go on and the two of us to sit there all evening with him! Usually we dance three to four times a week. We’ve been lucky to do one night currently.
I hope this information helps you if you share my concern about this problem. Here’s a list of seven criteria to assess the likelihood that an individual possesses a work addiction from Forbes:
1. You think of how you can free up more time to work. 2. You spend much more time working than initially intended. 3. You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness and/or depression. 4. You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them. 5. You become stressed if you are prohibited from working. 6. You deprioritize hobbies, leisure activities, and/or exercise because of your work. 7. You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health. If you answered with “often” or “always” to any of these points, you may be a workaholic. The study concluded that about 8.3% of the Norwegian workforce is addicted to work – other studies have suggested about 10% of the average population in other countries are workaholics.
People identified as workaholics often ranked high in terms of these three personality traits: Agreeableness – Workaholics are more likely to be altruistic, compliant and modest. Neuroticism – Workaholics tend to be nervous, hostile, and impulsive. Intellect/imagination –Workaholics are generally inventive and action oriented.
My parents taught me to work hard, but even my Mom worried about my excessive commitments. Don’t wait until you’re 65 to get this right! Start today, and I’d love to hear your comments.
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