Category: Sexual Abuse

Women’s History Month: Honoring My Courage to Write!
My Thoughts · My Writing · Sexual Abuse

Women’s History Month: Honoring My Courage to Write!

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Women's History Month - courage

March is Women’s History Month, and for the last three years, I’ve written about women in my life to celebrate this month. Now, I’m moving forever with a new book I can’t be afraid to publish, so I’m honoring my courage to write.

My new book starts with this epigraph:

“Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

— Sylvia Plath

Start - Courage

Relevant Topic I Must Write About

I wrote 50,000 words of my new book in November, 2016, during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) Month. The genre is an AutoFiction (autobiography fiction) where I fictionalized my story of incest. I put it aside when another timely book project fell into my lap.

Last year, when the Epstein Files surfaced once again, it dawned on me I needed to return to this book. I didn’t just want to share my incest story but the healing I’ve experienced over the last thirty-seven years. So many incest survivors’ lives end too soon or the survivor chooses drugs or alcohol to medicate the pain. Or the survivor chooses to act out sexually and ends up a prostitute or a pole dancer in a strip joint. Or the choice is suicide.

Because I found recovery thirty-seven years ago, I am still alive and have found healing in a variety of ways.

The Courage to Heal

Learn from the past - courage

Recovery offered me deep healing that led me to other healing opportunities.

At first, I was angry at God and stayed away from my church for over twenty years, but I returned about fifteen years ago and love it still.

For years, I sought out healing through therapy. At first after my first marriage, I followed conventional lines and went to a psychiatrist. Sadly, I was still drinking so I didn’t receive much help, but I kept the door open.

In 1988, I went to Codependency Treatment. I had started attending CoDA meeting prior to that, and those meetings introduced me to recovery meetings. It was at this treatment center I realized I was an alcoholic. I had used alcohol to medicate my hidden pain.

In 1993, I went to Sexual Trauma Treatment because I had two childhood memory flashbacks bombarding me. At this place, they helped me to sort through the memories and reconcile what they were. Also, they introduced me to Sand Play Therapy there.

After that, I found a fantastic Sand Play therapist who I worked with for over twenty years.

A few years ago, I joined an International Meditation group which has contributed to my healing by slowing me down and taking time to listen.

All of these different avenues helped heal me.

The Courage Continues!

Last year, I did EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy because of the dog attack I had in 2024, but we had to go back in my history to some of those incest memories to deepen the healing. This therapist helped me brainstorm possible ways to become an advocate for survivors, and I remembered my book.

Finally,

In this new book, I plan to mix my story with a fictional landscape and other characters. I know that’s this topic is intimate and maybe a trigger for some, but I have summoned my deepest courage to continue with this project and finish it. I felt an urgency today to address the courage it takes to write about this.

Hopefully you will support me in this endeavor.

AllAuthor.com Nonfiction Book Cover Contest – Time Measured Out! has slipped to #7, so go and vote ASAP at https://allauthor.com/cover-of-the-month/20500/

Larada meme - courage
Join me on my journey!

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Time Measured Out!: Navigating Life’s Journey Through Poetry, Book #2 e-book

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Is My Truth Universal?: A Woman’s Poetic Odyssey e-book

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Let Me Tell You a Story 

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Setting Goals as I Face the Third Quarter of Book Sales
Audiobooks · Book Production · Book Promotion · Christmas · Goals · My Books · My Thoughts · Sexual Abuse · Writing

Setting Goals as I Face the Third Quarter of Book Sales

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Make it Happen - set goals

Goals get us there! I’m facing the third quarter of the year and the sales of my books has plummeted because I’ve focused on moving and recovering from the dog attack.

I know the power of setting goals. When I was the computer coordinator for Washington middle school back when the internet was new and we as the staff pulled the cable throughout the building to get connected, the computer committee had our beginning meeting of the year.

I said, “Let’s brainstorm what we want for our school. The rules for brainstorming apply: anything goes.”

So my futuristic committee listed things completely out of our budget. I watched amazed—yes, I caught the fever and threw my two cents in too!

After the meeting, I formulated the ideas and presented them to the principal. Then she and I presented them to our legislator (who just happened to have been the principal at Washington middle school before he got into politics).

Outlandish goals, futuristic goals, realistic goals? We received funds from the state for everything on our list! That lesson has stayed with me for decades. I’ve often said, “Goals pull us along. Goals get us there!”

So, as I face the third quarter of the year, September is the lead and planning phase as I move into October, November & December,

So, the goals I established today appear too ambitious, too much, outlandish, but I’m going to sure them anyway.

1st Goal: Work on my second poetry book in a series of five and published it

Just today, I got the final draft back from my editor, so now I have to read through it for corrections. She said there weren’t many. Then I import it into the publishing program I use, Vellum. Next, I need to email readers on my email list to be on my ARC (Advanced Reader Copy ) Team to read it, write a blurb I enter in the print of my book and write a review in exchange for a free .pdf copy of the book. I have the description in the works. After the book is laid out, I can get the cover down because they need the page count to correct an accurate cover. I’ve used 100 Covers .

Hopefully, I will launch this book late October, early November. I will let you know! If you want to be a part of the ARC team for this new book, email me at larada@laradasbooks.com and I will send you a copy of the new book.

2nd Goal: Revise my autofiction book on being an incest survivor and healing

Because of all the flurry around the Epstein files, I talked to my therapist about being an “Advocate for Survivors.”  In the midst of this conversation, as an incest survivor, I remembered I had written a book about this, almost ten years ago. Who cares? I have it!

In 2016 I joined NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) to commit to writing about 1600 words a day, ending up with 50,000 at the end of the month. The results of the presidential election that year really spurred me on—I was devastated by the results.

Because of that dedicated, concentrated time, I wrote a 50,000+ autofiction. So, what is an autofiction?

Jane Friedman, a leader in the publishing industry says: “Short for autobiographical fiction, autofiction uses elements of autobiography and fiction to examine decisive aspects of the writer’s life. The writer then melds these realities with fictional plot elements, characters and events in a way that often reads like memoir or autobiography. With the lines of fact and fabrication blurred, readers are engaged in wondering what’s real, what isn’t, and how they can figure out which is which.”

https://janefriedman.com/the-how-when-and-why-of-writing-autofiction

Because of this, when I finish book #2 of the poetry series, Time Measured Out, I will focus on revising the autofiction and get it to my editor who has already heard about it. Then I will return to my poetry series.

3rd Goal: Continue with the Click Ad program for my Christmas book

In April 2024, I bought Steve Pieper’s Click Ad program to create profitable ads on Facebook doing click testing and had worked my way through most of the lessons, ready to promote my Christmas book. I bought it because my book coach did a webinar with Steve. Also, his reviews and results blew me away!

Christmas is coming, so this would be a great time to go back to whatever lesson I’m on and finish it. I may have to redo a couple of the ad copy. I’m excited because many authors have had good results with Steve’s program.

4th Goal: Energize my back-list sales

I have nine books (soon ten), three cookbooks and three audiobooks just sitting there for ready to buy, but I have to have a plan to promote them. I have multiple competitors in each area, so I have to work at this.

Here’s my action plan to be implemented in September and beyond:

BOOK TITLEPROMOTIONDATERESULTS
This Tumbleweed Landed October 
When Will Papa Get Home? October 
Let Me Tell You a Story October 
Is My True Universal?: A Woman’s Poetic Odyssey October 
A Time to Grow Up:  A Daughter’s Grief Memoir November 
Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? November 
Just Another Square Dance Caller: Authorized Biography of Marshall Flippo November 
Is My True Universal?: A Woman’s Poetic Odyssey November 
Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir December 
Was It a Dream?: Navigating Life’s Journey Through Poetry December   
Is My True Universal?: A Woman’s Poetic Odyssey December 

We will see how the plan goes. You can see it’s real sketchy now!

5th Goal: Do an audiobook for my 1st book in my poetry series

I love recording audiobooks—reading my own words out loud is magical. So when I finished Was It a Dream? and published it, the recovery from the dog attack consumed me. I couldn’t stand up at the mic in my make-shift recording studio (my walk-in closet) that long—too physically taxing. Also, I was on heavy pain medication and publishing an audiobook has many intricate steps. I have used Derek Doepker’s program, Audiobooks Made Easy. This program spells out exactly what you have to do and Derek is great support if you have any problems.

Lin & Larada at Garden Place in Boquete, Panama - Set goals

As I sit here and lay out this plan, I step back! In the midst of all this, I have a move to Boquete, Panama and am starting a new life there, so I’m writing these goals out to remind myself—I am an author no matter where I live. I have the last quarter of 2025 to get my book sales going.

Also, because of the recovery of the dog attack, I lost a year of promoting my books, so I am way behind!

Will I accomplish all these goals?

Maybe yes, maybe no, but seeing them in black and white make them concrete! Easily, I can carry any no fulfilled to first quarter of 2026 and add to the list.

All this talk of promotion made me think, “Have you bought one, two or all of my books?” Let’s start here with promoting them. Go to my Author’s Page on Amazon where you can get them all!

Keep scrolling and you can see links to my audiobooks. I only sell my cookbooks directly until August 30 through my Etsy Shop, Larada’s Reading Loft.

My Newest Books

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Is My Truth Universal?: A Woman’s Poetic Odyssey e-book – FREE

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Was It a Dream?: Navigating Life’s Journey Through Poetry e-book on sale for $3.00

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Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir e-book on sale for $2.99

Buy My Audio Books:

This Tumbleweed Landed Audiobook

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Let Me Tell You a Story Audiobook

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Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Memoir Audiobook

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir audiobook cover

Confusion About My Womanhood? A War Raged!
family · My Thoughts · Recovery · Sexual Abuse

Confusion About My Womanhood? A War Raged!

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Confusion about my womanhood

I experienced major confusion about my womanhood for many years. A silent war raged inside me, yet I didn’t understand why. Many women suffer from this same silent killer, and I feel my story is appropriate as the USA again becomes divided over yet another issue—Roe vs. Wade.

You may wonder why I choose to talk about my internal battle on this Mother’s Day. In 1993, my mom played a key role in healing my heart over this tumultuous experience, and her response changed my life.

Let me state my position early so you can decide whether to read on. I am ProChoice. Two family members molested me as a child, causing this stance. I do not support abortion as a means of after-thought birth control, but I support it for mother’s health reasons, rape and incest cases.

As an incest survivor, someone damaged my femininity, confusing me about my womanhood, at an early age. With one perpetrator, this abuse started when I was about four and continued until I was eight or nine. It began with him touching me inappropriately and it ended with him forcing me to touch him. God protected me when the government drafted him, which magically took him away and ended the abuse. I’m sure the next step for him was the rape of an eight years old!

I just did the math and realized he stopped when I was eight or nine. I had always thought it lasted until I was twelve. It seemed to go on forever!

As I’ve read similar stories this week—one little girl pregnant at eleven by her uncle, I had to respond. I’ve spent this week pondering this subject and its effect on me. Specifically, I wondered what would have happened to my family if that person had raped me.

We lived in a small rural ranching community. Everybody knew everybody. At eight or nine years old, I was in the second or third grade, more interested in riding my bike, doing well at school, talking to my girlfriends, and playing with dolls.

Because I would have been so young, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. But had the rape happened to me, me and my family would have been destroyed. Yes, the molestation damaged me, but I kept it secret for thirty-five years. The rape would have been a different story, with immediate outrageous repercussions.

Why do I open this dark curtain to one of my deepest pains? Incest and rape wound little girls, grown women, whatever their age, setting them up to be the victims of rape. If forced to keep the pregnancy of a rape, every day the victim would face their perpetrator, looking at that child and the rape would happen again and again. We can’t let that happen.

Women in a line Confusion about my womanhood

Women, we must unite and stand up for our sisters whose lives have been so damaged by the violent act of rape and incest. We cannot punish the victim of this hideous offense by demanding she keep a baby, the result of violence against the mother.

This message seems especially important and poignant on this day, set aside for mothers across our country. We need not force motherhood upon a woman who is the victim of a crime against her.

Let me share the gift my mom gave me and why I want to honor her today. After I got out of CoDA treatment in 1988, when I first confronted my parents about what had happened to me at the hands of family members, they sat shocked. It totally affected how we met together as a family from then on.

Later, I mustered up the courage to ask Mom about a time I remembered her coming into my bedroom, and I was being molesting and she turned around and walked away. She said she didn’t remember.

In 1993, my confusion of my womanhood, caused by my incest/molestation issues, raged out of control, so I went into Sexual Trauma treatment. The counselor gathered information from the clients about key areas that needed discussion during the family week for healing. So, during that special week, my second husband, Mom and Dad attended. I talked to each about pressing issues. When I got to Mom, I told her about her denial of that incident in my bedroom. She sobbed and sobbed, and said, “I am so sorry.” Her admission healed something so deep inside of me, and our relationship zoomed to a different level after that.

My confusion about me as a woman placed me in many compromising situations. I suffered domestic violence at the hands of my first husband. During my drinking days, my confusion put me in many risky situations, doing things I never thought I would do. Luckily, no one raped me, but after I sobered up, I wondered about my promiscuity. It all tied back to being a little girl robbed of her precious identity as a female and wounded until I sought healing. It has taken decades to resolve this issue for me.

Many wounded women, victims of incest and molestation, aren’t as lucky as me. They fall prey to predators that rape them and leave them to face the choice of what to do with the results of that violent act. Roe vs. Wade gave them an option. With it gone, they have no options.

Finally, I share my intimate story to, hopefully, open your eyes to whom many rape victims are—woman confused about their womanhood, possibly wounded at the hands of a childhood predator and then once more, attacked and victimized as a rape victim. I pray my story makes you think differently about the repercussions for these women with the loss of Roe vs. Wade. We need to protect these women, not victimize them once again.

I want to provide some resources for incest, rape or domestic violence victims:

~NEWEST PODCAST to be released Thursday, March 17, 2022, discussing my new book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? : Live on Purpose Podcast at https://liveonpurposeradio.com/category/podcast/

~MY FIRST AUDIOBOOK IS AVAILABLE: Go to Audible to buy my first audiobook, Let Me Tell You a Story. I’m working on Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? but have gotten stalled with shingles.

~Do you listen to podcasts? Here are three podcasts with interviews about my new book & some Flippo stories:

Just Another Square Dance Caller: Authorized Biography of Marshall Flipp meme

~Have you bought a copy of Flippo’s biography yet? Believe it or not—it’s been two years. Go here for your hardback or paperback: https://www.laradasbooks.com or at Amazon.

~For me, it’s Christmas all year long! Here’s a variety of Christmas greetings from Flippo & Neeca, featuring his song, “When It’s Christmas Time in Texas”: https://youtu.be/mpJCUGffU3A

Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? meme

~What happened to you in 2020-2021 during the coronavirus pandemic? Do you care? Are you on a spiritual path? Do you want to heal from the horrible effects of the pandemic of 2020? Visit my website to find out about my new book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? and my other five books and three cookbooks: https://laradasbooks.com

Honestly, Do You Know Me?
Christianity · Dancing · God · Marshall Flippo · My Thoughts · poetry · Sexual Abuse · Words Matter · Writing

Honestly, Do You Know Me?

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment

Honestly, do we know anyone, really? I know I hide part of myself from the world, afraid to expose too much of my true self, concerned about safety. Will I get burned, again? Can I be that honest? I’ve struggled with this for years.

One of my favorite books published in 1975 was Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? by John Powell. “Why am I afraid to tell you who I really am boils down to — if I told you who I really am and you didn’t like it — it’s all I’ve got.”

That explanation resonated with me forty-five years ago and still does today. Over the years, I’ve tried to be honest but have failed often. I avoided confrontation and making waves, but is that being honest? I’ve bit my tongue and walked away from a potential argument.

So, I offer you a glance inside me with these two poems: a country carefree child and an adult sizing up me and my life today.

Slamming door
https://theownerbuildernetwork.co/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/ScreenDoor5.jpg
The Slam of a Screen Door

July 16, 2020

Slam
            A screen door
                        Not today’s version
                                    But a relic from the 50s and 60s.
 
It bounced a couple times
            When shut
                        No latch to hold it
                                    Tight
                        Mosquitoes, flies and other
                                    Bothersome pests
                                                Escaped inside
 
Sharp, resonating!
Not as protective
            As the 21st century version!
 
But the slam
            The sound
                        The bang
                                    Echoes through
                                                 My childhood!
 
Running outdoors
            Giggling
                        Afire with life
                                    My brother chasing me
                                                With a water gun
 
Summer’s sound
            Of freedom
 
Slam!
            Close with a bang!

Mom’s repeated shout,
            “Don’t the slam the door!”
            Never heeded!
We didn’t do it in anger
            Only in haste
                        In urgency
                                    To get outside
                                    To start the adventure
 
Slam
            Too active
                        And driven
                                    To catch it!
 
Focused
            On other priorities
                        Other possibilities     
                                    Outside
 
A hike to Brown Springs
            To discovery
A bicycle ride
            To freedom
A secluded time in our treehouse
            To dream
 
Slam
            Close noisily
A new day
            A new adventure
A door opened to the world
            And
                        Possibility!
 
Let’s Go!
honestly hidden
You May Think You Know Me, But. . .

August 9, 2020

 
As I pondered a topic
            Old yet new
I marveled at the thought
            Daily Honesty!
 
Honesty
            Truthfulness
            Sincerity
            Frankness
            Freedom from deceit or fraud
 
To be honest
            Is to be vulnerable
                        To risk exposure
                                    To lay bare my insides to you.
Are you safe?
            Can I trust you?
 
At this moment,
            I feel compelled
                        To do so.
 
I’m country
            You know
I grew up embarrassed
            And ashamed!
Not sophisticated
            Like the ladies on TV
            Like the ladies in town.
 
I’m religious
            A Christian to the core
                        But unorthodox!
I’ve dabbled in
            Native American
                        Savored the peaceful sweat lodge ceremony
            Buddhist beliefs
                        Became a silent observer
                                    Valuing the art of listening
            Jewish wisdom
                        Honored the roots of Christianity

I’ve divorced three times.
            One heartbroken
                        But necessary for my sanity
            One victorious
                        Because I stood up
            One heartbroken
                        But a major turning point
 
I’m a political person
            Independent for years
                        Raised Republican
                                    But moved out
                                                Caused by disillusionment
                                                            With both parties.
 
I hate arguing politics
            Remember many hurtful conversations
                        With my dad
                                    We didn’t change each other
                                                In the process
Just bitter memories!
 
Saying that,
            I’m a liberal!
That’s not a dirty word
                        Dictionary says, “tolerant, unprejudiced, unbigoted, broad-minded, open-minded, enlightened; permissive, free, free and easy, easygoing.”
                        I can live with those!
I yearn for equality
                        For all!
 
I’m a talker
            Love sharing my thoughts
            Love heart-to-heart conversations
                        On spiritual real topics,
                                    Not head stuff.
I hate gossip,
            Yet I get sucked in!
 
I love people
            All colors
                        Shapes
                                    And sizes!
            Young and old
So much to learn!
 
My heart has been broken!
            I’ve faced despair
                        Depression
                        Suicidal thoughts
                        Alcoholism
                        Promiscuity
                        Incest
                                    Yet survived.
Recovery gave me my life back!
 
I was an English major
            I have book shelves lined with
                        Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets
                        Hemingway’s short stories
                        T. S. Eliot’s poetry
                        Hillerman’s southwest novels
 
I’m a poet
            At heart
                        Words inspire me to life
                        Words create images
                        Poetry gathers words
                                    And creates life.
 
I’m a writer
            The voice of the plains
                                    Of my heart
                                                And
                                                            Marshall Flippo.
 
I’m a dancer
            When the music starts
                        It sets me free!
                                    The movement
                                    The rhythm
                                    The connection to the universe!
 
I’m a computer geek!
            The magic of technology
                        Captivates me
                                    And I want to create!
 
I’m fragile
            Sensitive
I’m strong
            Resilient
 
I’m the baby of five.
            My daddy’s little girl
            My mom’s “baby girl!”
Adored by my parents!
 
I’ve feared obesity
            My whole life
I watched my mom struggle
            And her mom
                        And many of the women
                                    On that side of the family
 
I make friends
            I keep friends!
 
I’m a paradox
            So, my honesty jumps
                        From here to
                                    There.
I’m an expansive spirit
            Today a soul on fire
                        A God-driven energy
                                    And
                                                A sleeping cat
                                                            All rolled up into one!
 
That’s me!
Photo by Ivy Son from Pexels

Honestly, a dichotomy I am, but I know I have to be honest. I will engage with you; I won’t argue. I will share the depth of my spirit; I won’t hold back, and hopefully you will get a glimpse of Larada.

Tell me what “Daily Honesty” means to you! I’d love to hear your thoughts about honesty.

~HAVE YOU ORDERED A PERSONALLY AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF THE FLIPPO BIOGRAPHY?   AVAILABLE NOW! Go to the homepage on my website and pay for it there: https://www.laradasbooks.com

ALL FOUR E-BOOK FORMATS OF FLIPPO’S BIOGRAPHY AVAILABLE NOW.

~Visit my web site for all the information you need about me and my books:  https://www.laradasbooks.com