The coronavirus pandemic has been all over my Threads app this last week. Even though it has been six years, bringing it up again caused many of us to relive the horror.

In my award-winning book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better?, I shared how I handled this life-changing event and made a choice. Here’s a sample chapter, chapter eighteen, that I named the book after. As I do so often, I mix a combination of prose and poetry. In this book I started each chapter with a pertinent quote and a relative picture, then I added pictures throughout (I’m a visual person) and ended with a question to ponder.

Chapter Eighteen

CORONAVIRUS REFLECTIONS: BITTER OR BETTER?

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

Confucius

September 6, 2020

Bitter or better, that’s the question! Life often hands us problems to deal with, and we choose how to tackle them. For me, either I get bitter or better as a result. But never in my life have I had to handle what 2020 handed the world. Like everyone else, that was one issue that I had no idea how to deal with. I assumed 2020 would be a repeat performance of 2019, so I couldn’t foresee what a test we would face.

Nevertheless, the coronavirus’s impact continues to affect our lives six months later. Normal life activities came to a screeching standstill. 193,000+ people have lost their lives. Families have lost loved ones. People have lost jobs, and businesses have suffered extreme losses. For many, it’s been a psychological affront causing depression and anxiety. I have been one of the fortunate ones, not experiencing the extremes of the pandemic.

But even though I haven’t experienced the dire side of this catastrophe, I have been affected, as have so many other people, each in our own ways.

Some have become bitter over mandated requirements, like social distancing and/or masks. People dubbed as “Karens” or “Kens” have violently erupted at various store clerks asking compliance to safety measures.

Many worldwide bitter rebels have actively protested against these measures, like one organized event on September 15, “World Anti-Mask Protest.” Others continue to believe this is a hoax and vehemently denounce the virus and any of the safety requests. Some have become better, deciding to look at this respite as a time to stop the crazy pace of a busy 21st century life, slow down, help a neighbor, and go deeper on a spiritual quest. That’s what I decided to do early on. The pandemic made me fearful and anxious, and being able to stop and process what I was feeling helped me to feel more grounded and centered.

I became proficient at Zoom and participated in and hosted a multitude of Zoom meetings, which helped ease the isolation, especially with my recovery groups. I made a conscious choice.

Coronavirus Reflection: Bitter or Better?

September 5, 2020

For six months
     The coronavirus rages
          Then ebbs and flows.
Never have I faced
     Anything like this!

I remember
     The polio scare
          As a child,
               A far-away bogeyman
               That didn’t touch me.
But nothing like this.

Today, quarantined
     Deaths
          Shelter-in-place
               Fear
                    Confusion,
Who do you believe?

My lifestyle drastically altered
     NO dancing
          NO traveling
               NO interaction
                    With people.

I have flirted with bitterness
     The vile taste of resentments
          Discourages
               My lingering there long.
                    I can’t afford to hang around long.

But the good news:
     I’ve stayed healthy
          My family has, too!

So, I choose to reflect.
     Has this focused time
          Made me
               Bitter
                    Or better?

Stripped
     Of normal life
          And activity,
I sat quietly
     Listened
          Breathed deeply.

I watched my husband
     Gather his strength
          In his garden
               Working with his hands
                    His mind
                         His soul.

I celebrate this man
     I quarantined with.

I gathered my own strength
     In words
     Working with my hands
          My mind
               My soul.

I focused on
     The Flippo biography — my latest book project
          Which helped alter the horrible state
               Of our world,
                    A true escape for me.

In this forced respite,
     I reconnected with
          My God,
               In a time of needed solace
          Myself,
               Exploring reactions and feelings
                    To this fearful situation:

My husband,
     A good person to
     Be quarantined with.

I cleaned out age-old belongings.
     I connected with people on Zoom.
          I wrote poetry,
               Diving deep
                    Into the abyss of
                         Doubt and despair
                              and
                         Faith and feelings!
          I had weekly phone dates
               With hurting friends.

To be honest, I had moments of bitterness
     Hot August Nights weekend canceled
          So, I scheduled a Zoom party
               With long-time friends.

Yes, I missed
     Weekly face-to-face recovery meetings
     Monthly visits to our ranch
          And my brother
     Family gatherings
     Square and round dances
     Travel
     Friends

But I didn’t waste time long in bitterness.

Today, I relish all of those much more,
     Hungry for their return.
I savor what they
     Brought into my life,
          How they enriched me.

When this time of trial is over,
     I will step up and say,
          It made me better
               And that feels good!

I bask in this capsule of time
     That I used to benefit
          My growth.

Bitter or better
     The choice is yours!

There was a moment when I lay in the sun where I had a flash of absolute connectedness and saw both the bitter and the better demonstrated in Lin’s rose garden, so I played with a poem.

I Sunbathed in the Roses

September 5, 2020

A petal floated on the breeze
     Slowly
          Settling on my forehead.
Another landed on my stomach
     Bright red in color
          Matching my sunburned skin. 

A plush cushion of white rose petals
     Gathered as my supple pillow.
Ivory-colored roses climbed
     The trellis
          Near my feet
               And tickled my toes.

Salmon-colored roses
     Guarded my heart
          And created a
               Vibrant crown for my brow!

A bright golden bouquet kissed
     The sun
          As their next-of-kin
               And brushed my cheek
                    With their satiny lips.

Peach roses danced
     In the gentle wind,
          A soft waltz
               In a lavish gown.

To sunbathe
     In the midst of roses
          Soothes
               Every ache
                    Every pain
                         A galaxy of color.

These flower friends lift me
     To the heavens,
          A multi-colored celebration
               Of life and love,
                    Surround me in our deep connection.

Hummingbirds dive bomb my head,
     Enchanted with the color
          And the nectar.
               I’ve invaded their sanctuary.

Lay still!
     I can’t!
          I feel the prick of . . .
     Yes, thorns,
          Slightly.
     Careful where I lay,
          But one foot strays
               A little,
                    And I jerk it back.

A reminder,
     Sometimes pain hides in beauty,
          But mostly
               A restful soul
                    A quiet spirit
                         Surrounded by
                           A circle of roses,
                              My friends!

Yes, I have a choice anytime life deals me a blow—will the experience make me bitter, resentful, and angry? Or will I take advantage of the opportunity present and plunge into a deeper relationship

with myself and my God and become better?

I choose better.

I choose finding new passions, rediscovering old ones. Also, I choose laughing with my loved ones, even if it’s over Zoom. I choose to slow down and sunbathe in the roses.

YOUR REFLECTIONS:

Has the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 left you bitter or better? Why?

Larada Horner-Miller, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better?, (Horner Publishing Company, 2022), 159-169.

So, here we are again, and once again I choose to be better, not bitter about the pandemic. This chapter noted how I felt in September 2020. If you have any residual pain leftover from the pandemic, I hope this book helps you heal. That’s its whole purpose! And I will be featuring it this month

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