The coronavirus pandemic has been all over my Threads app this last week. Even though it has been six years, bringing it up again caused many of us to relive the horror.
In my award-winning book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better?, I shared how I handled this life-changing event and made a choice. Here’s a sample chapter, chapter eighteen, that I named the book after. As I do so often, I mix a combination of prose and poetry. In this book I started each chapter with a pertinent quote and a relative picture, then I added pictures throughout (I’m a visual person) and ended with a question to ponder.
Chapter Eighteen
CORONAVIRUS REFLECTIONS: BITTER OR BETTER?
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”
Confucius
September 6, 2020
Bitter or better, that’s the question! Life often hands us problems to deal with, and we choose how to tackle them. For me, either I get bitter or better as a result. But never in my life have I had to handle what 2020 handed the world. Like everyone else, that was one issue that I had no idea how to deal with. I assumed 2020 would be a repeat performance of 2019, so I couldn’t foresee what a test we would face.
Nevertheless, the coronavirus’s impact continues to affect our lives six months later. Normal life activities came to a screeching standstill. 193,000+ people have lost their lives. Families have lost loved ones. People have lost jobs, and businesses have suffered extreme losses. For many, it’s been a psychological affront causing depression and anxiety. I have been one of the fortunate ones, not experiencing the extremes of the pandemic.
But even though I haven’t experienced the dire side of this catastrophe, I have been affected, as have so many other people, each in our own ways.
Some have become bitter over mandated requirements, like social distancing and/or masks. People dubbed as “Karens” or “Kens” have violently erupted at various store clerks asking compliance to safety measures.
Many worldwide bitter rebels have actively protested against these measures, like one organized event on September 15, “World Anti-Mask Protest.” Others continue to believe this is a hoax and vehemently denounce the virus and any of the safety requests. Some have become better, deciding to look at this respite as a time to stop the crazy pace of a busy 21st century life, slow down, help a neighbor, and go deeper on a spiritual quest. That’s what I decided to do early on. The pandemic made me fearful and anxious, and being able to stop and process what I was feeling helped me to feel more grounded and centered.
I became proficient at Zoom and participated in and hosted a multitude of Zoom meetings, which helped ease the isolation, especially with my recovery groups. I made a conscious choice.
Coronavirus Reflection: Bitter or Better?
September 5, 2020
For six months
The coronavirus rages
Then ebbs and flows.
Never have I faced
Anything like this!
I remember
The polio scare
As a child,
A far-away bogeyman
That didn’t touch me.
But nothing like this.
Today, quarantined
Deaths
Shelter-in-place
Fear
Confusion,
Who do you believe?
My lifestyle drastically altered
NO dancing
NO traveling
NO interaction
With people.
I have flirted with bitterness
The vile taste of resentments
Discourages
My lingering there long.
I can’t afford to hang around long.
But the good news:
I’ve stayed healthy
My family has, too!
So, I choose to reflect.
Has this focused time
Made me
Bitter
Or better?
Stripped
Of normal life
And activity,
I sat quietly
Listened
Breathed deeply.
I watched my husband
Gather his strength
In his garden
Working with his hands
His mind
His soul.
I celebrate this man
I quarantined with.
I gathered my own strength
In words
Working with my hands
My mind
My soul.
I focused on
The Flippo biography — my latest book project
Which helped alter the horrible state
Of our world,
A true escape for me.
In this forced respite,
I reconnected with
My God,
In a time of needed solace
Myself,
Exploring reactions and feelings
To this fearful situation:
My husband,
A good person to
Be quarantined with.
I cleaned out age-old belongings.
I connected with people on Zoom.
I wrote poetry,
Diving deep
Into the abyss of
Doubt and despair
and
Faith and feelings!
I had weekly phone dates
With hurting friends.
To be honest, I had moments of bitterness
Hot August Nights weekend canceled
So, I scheduled a Zoom party
With long-time friends.
Yes, I missed
Weekly face-to-face recovery meetings
Monthly visits to our ranch
And my brother
Family gatherings
Square and round dances
Travel
Friends
But I didn’t waste time long in bitterness.
Today, I relish all of those much more,
Hungry for their return.
I savor what they
Brought into my life,
How they enriched me.
When this time of trial is over,
I will step up and say,
It made me better
And that feels good!
I bask in this capsule of time
That I used to benefit
My growth.
Bitter or better
The choice is yours!
There was a moment when I lay in the sun where I had a flash of absolute connectedness and saw both the bitter and the better demonstrated in Lin’s rose garden, so I played with a poem.
I Sunbathed in the Roses
September 5, 2020
A petal floated on the breeze
Slowly
Settling on my forehead.
Another landed on my stomach
Bright red in color
Matching my sunburned skin.
A plush cushion of white rose petals
Gathered as my supple pillow.
Ivory-colored roses climbed
The trellis
Near my feet
And tickled my toes.
Salmon-colored roses
Guarded my heart
And created a
Vibrant crown for my brow!
A bright golden bouquet kissed
The sun
As their next-of-kin
And brushed my cheek
With their satiny lips.
Peach roses danced
In the gentle wind,
A soft waltz
In a lavish gown.
To sunbathe
In the midst of roses
Soothes
Every ache
Every pain
A galaxy of color.
These flower friends lift me
To the heavens,
A multi-colored celebration
Of life and love,
Surround me in our deep connection.
Hummingbirds dive bomb my head,
Enchanted with the color
And the nectar.
I’ve invaded their sanctuary.
Lay still!
I can’t!
I feel the prick of . . .
Yes, thorns,
Slightly.
Careful where I lay,
But one foot strays
A little,
And I jerk it back.
A reminder,
Sometimes pain hides in beauty,
But mostly
A restful soul
A quiet spirit
Surrounded by
A circle of roses,
My friends!
Yes, I have a choice anytime life deals me a blow—will the experience make me bitter, resentful, and angry? Or will I take advantage of the opportunity present and plunge into a deeper relationship
with myself and my God and become better?
I choose better.
I choose finding new passions, rediscovering old ones. Also, I choose laughing with my loved ones, even if it’s over Zoom. I choose to slow down and sunbathe in the roses.
YOUR REFLECTIONS:
Has the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 left you bitter or better? Why?
Larada Horner-Miller, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better?, (Horner Publishing Company, 2022), 159-169.
So, here we are again, and once again I choose to be better, not bitter about the pandemic. This chapter noted how I felt in September 2020. If you have any residual pain leftover from the pandemic, I hope this book helps you heal. That’s its whole purpose! And I will be featuring it this month
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