Now it’s the waiting game—Friday, our house went on the market. Our realtor did an Open House today and had several people come through. Now it’s the waiting game. I’ve never liked waiting!

As a Young Married Woman

This waiting game reminded me of something that happened fifty-one years ago! I got pregnant within three months of our wedding. So excited, I took on the old adage, “I was eating for two,” and gained twenty-five pounds in a few months. This child would be my in-laws first; my parents already had a couple but saw their family increasing and loved that idea! More babies! Everyone shared in our joy!

I had been raised you got married, had 2.7 children with a picket fence and lived happily ever after! And my dream had become a reality—I thought!

Then, I went to the doctor excited to hear the heartbeat for the first time but by myself—it was just a routine visit after four months or so. Immediately I knew something was not right! The doctor scowled! After an examination, the doctor told me I had had a “mis-abort.” Today, that isn’t the term used. It’s called “Missed miscarriage or spontaneous abortion.“

I hadn’t bled—how could that be?? No cramps? I had felt nothing.

He tried to be reassuring, but my world crumbled right before my eyes.

He said I probably would start bleeding within a couple days and to watch it—it could be sizable, but said nothing about going to the hospital or any care at all. I walked into the doctor’s office pregnant and walked out not—how horrible!

Afterwards, I drove the thirty-minute commute home in Denver traffic, sobbing out of control. How I made it safely home, I will never know! This was in the spring of 1974, so no cell phones—no way to communicate with my husband until I got home. I called him immediately, a blubbering mess. I called his folks and mine—tears overflowed from us all but the general consensus was “you’ll get pregnant again.”

Heartbroken—Now What?

Needless to say, I did start bleeding within days and knew it was over. I didn’t need to go to the hospital—it was a large period, but manageable. That mis-abort started a harried, insane part of my life—waiting each month when it was time for my period, hoping and praying I was pregnant. When I would start, my world crumbled again and again! And I sobbed and sobbed, then I focused on the next month and its possibility. I’m sure I drove my first husband crazy over this.

After several years of this waiting and insanity, we found out after going to a fertility specialist that my husband’s sperm count was too weak, and that’s what probably caused the mis-abort. So, then we decided against IVF and went with adoption.

Facing Adoption and Waiting

Again, it was a waiting game. We signed up with Lutheran Social Services in Loveland, Colorado in the late 70s, so you can see, the waiting game lasted a long time for me.

For the adoption, we waited three years and finally got the call that we were six months away from getting our baby. I started knitting baby booties and a matching baby afghan, and Mom started gathering baby things for me—it was finally here. Friends and family gathered stacks of baby goodies, so excited!

I don’t remember doing this with my husband, but I had names picked out: if it was a girl—Lael Marie (Lael was a Biblical name I loved and my mother-in-law was a devote Christian so she loved it, and Marie was my mom’s middle name) or if it was a boy—Patrick Laurence (Patrick was my father-in-law’s name and Laurence was my dad’s middle name). So traditional with naming!

Then Lutheran Social Services contacted us that we would finally have to go through the vetting process to look at our character background. They weren’t like the other adoption agencies who did it at first. They waited, figuring the diehards would stick with it, and that meant you were reliable people to get a baby. But they didn’t know my husband.

At this point he decided to divorce me—did he have skeletons in the closet? Yes, I learned later. So within his decision, I lost the baby I had waited years for and I lost my husband.

Over the years, I’ve labored over not having children. I’ve written several poems at different stages in my life, bemoaning the fact. Today I have resolution about it—it was God’s mercy that I didn’t have a child because of the life I’ve lived—I am so grateful for His care!

Fast forward to 2025

I’m 72 years old and now it’s the waiting game once again for something entirely different. It’s only been a couple days since we listed our house. We don’t need the house to sell because we’re renting in Panama to start with, so that let’s off the pressure for sure. The house is empty now; we’re sleeping on a borrowed air mattress and camping out with our computers, computer chairs and tables.

For the last couple mornings, I’ve gotten dressed immediately instead of leisurely playing cribbage and eating breakfast in my housecoat. I’ve covered the bed with a large comforter our realtor lent us and picked up everything around the house. Just in case—just in case, we get the call that someone wants to see the house!

I had no idea what I was going to write today, but waiting for our house to sell brought up all of this. I’m anxious, nervous, impatient! Yes, it’s all about patience, I guess! Those feelings took me back. But my extreme obsession with results has softened over the years and lessened. I feel peaceful because I know it’s in God’s hands. Whatever will be will be, and I’m okay with it!

Finally,

Often, we all have to deal with waiting—the grocery store line and needing to be somewhere else quicker than the line is moving?  A important goal in business or life that seems impossible to attain? Hopefully, I’m much better fifty-some years later after dealing with so much life.

How do you handle the waiting game? I’d be interested!

Here’s our house’s listing on Zillow: https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/14-Asher-Ln-Tijeras-NM-87059/6819647_zpid/

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