Category: Memories

A Peaceful 4th of July
family · Holidays · Memories · Mom · My Thoughts

A Peaceful 4th of July

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Lin's luscious garden - a peaceful 4th of July

I enjoyed a peaceful 4th of July morning this year, sitting in Lin’s luscious garden doing my daily Quiet Time which includes Julia Cameron’s practice of “Morning Pages”—three handwritten pages of what’s going on in my life. Then I joined online an international meditation group I belong to and enjoyed an inspirational poem, “Lady Liberty,” then twenty minutes of meditation and then an opportunity to list three ways I saw God working in my life during the last twenty-four hours.

Peaceful, calm! For sure! Normally, I sunbath, starting in May, but I’ve had some health issues the last couple years and haven’t, so I decided it was time to enjoy the sun again. I donned my patriotic two piece red, white and blue bathing suit and soaked up the sun.

For lunch, Lin grilled hot dogs, then we drove to Albuquerque to drop by garden club friends of ours and enjoyed a lively conversation there and a lovely garden full of blooming lilies. This gardener has been one of Lin’s mentors over the years.

Instead of Fireworks

For the evening, we had decided a couple days ahead of time we would watch the movie, “Oppenheimer.” In May, I heard the co-author of the book, Kai Bird, talk at the Santa Fe International Literary Festival. His comments ignited my interest, so I bought the book there. Then in the last month, the movie came up on Prime, so we decided to watch it.

Peaceful, calm—it wasn’t! What a sad, horrible treatment of a man who should have been deemed a national hero but the insane “Red Scare” and McCarthyism grilled and grilled him. Watching his metamorphoses, he had to deal with what he had done by being the “Father of the Atomic Bomb.”

“. . .after World War II, Oppenheimer lobbied vigorously for international control of atomic energy, proposing that the Soviet Union and the United States submit to a supranational organization designed to allow sharing of peaceful atomic energy information while keeping weapons development to a monitored minimum.”

https://www.atomicarchive.com/history/hydrogen-bomb/page-15.html 

At the end, both Lin and I felt he got the raw end of the deal. Robert Downey Junior played Lewis Strauss superbly and won an Oscar for his performance. At first, I didn’t want to believe him as a villain because I like him so much, but in the end Downey Junior had us cheering when he lost his appointment he sought to be in Eisenhower’s cabinet.

So, no fireworks—no outlandish party with insane behavior! Just a mindful consideration of a piece of our country’s sad history.

As a Child—Peaceful?

When we were younger, I anticipated the first fireworks of the evening: sparklers that we could draw figure eights in the black sky around us. Then all the families in our little country town pooled their money and bought fireworks for us to enjoy, mostly bottle rockets in the 50s. But they lit up the sky and thrilled the gathered celebrants and me! It seemed magical.

As a child on this celebratory day, I focused on fireworks—Black Cat firecrackers my uncle and aunt brought from New Mexico to us in Colorado because they were illegal there, not peaceful! It fact, that was the farthest thing from my mind—I wanted explosions, noise, family around and fireworks.

Many years, our family and friends gathered and picnicked at the Folsom Falls during the day. I always wore my tennis shoes in the water because of the crawdads. I knew they’d bite my toes. Then we returned home for our firework display.

Cuchara, Colorado As an Adult—Peaceful?

Cuchara, Colorado on the 4th of July - peaceful
Cuchara, Colorado on the 4th of July

Later over the years, Mom, my brother and I went to Cuchara, Colorado for the 4th of July, a small town in southern Colorado that celebrates this day with a short parade, live music with lots of families and dogs (the Dog Bar encourages people to bring their dogs.). What a cool respite on a hot July day.

Pictures in Cuchara, Colorado - peaceful
Mom, my brother and I 2010
My mom dancing in the Dog Bar
Mom, my brother and I 2011

First, it was Mom, my brother and I who enjoyed this mountain retreat, starting 2010—cooler weather, fun people and great music. We had so much fun the first time with some rowdy Texan women dancing in the Dog Bar, we had to go back the next year.

Larada playing putt-putt golf - peaceful
Larada playing putt-putt golf

After Mom died, my brother, Lin and I kept up the tradition of going to Cuchara, playing putt-putt golf and dancing at the Dog Bar.

Lin and I at Cuchara, Colorado - peaceful
Lin and I at Cuchara, Colorado

Then my brother’s youngest daughter and her family joined us there. We played putt-putt golf and enjoyed the mountain getaway.

Red River, New Mexico As an Adult—Peaceful?

My niece and I all dressed up for the 4th of July - peaceful
My niece and I all dressed up for the 4th of July

In 2018, we moved this celebration to Red River, New Mexico and found out they had more fun activities for my niece’s two young sons. We also had the privilege of attending a Michael Martin Murphy dance/concert at the Mother Lode bar.

Michael Martin Murphy at the Mother Lode - peaceful
Michael Martin Murphy at the Mother Lode

Branson, Colorado As an Adult—Peaceful?

As for so many, the pandemic changed everything, so we stayed away from the mountain resorts where there would be a lot of people gathering. In 2021, my brother’s two daughters brought their families to Branson, Colorado and we went out on the ranch and shot off our fireworks.

Fireworks on our ranch - peaceful
Fireworks on our ranch

For the last couple years, Lin and I have stayed home—peaceful and calm. But I still remember those family-filled holidays with loved ones and am thankful for the memories.

Finally,

This 4th of July in Lin’s garden and being with him felt good—the right way to celebrate this patriotic day. Peaceful and calm has become something I enjoy these days.

How about you? What did you do for this holiday?

Buy My Audio Books:

This Tumbleweed Landed

This Tumbleweed Landed audiobook cover - peaceful

Let Me Tell You a Story 

Let Me Tell You a Story audiobook cover - peaceful

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Memoir Audiobook

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir audiobook cover - peaceful

Enjoy my interview on the podcast, The Writing Table

Memorial Day, 2024—My Childhood Traditions of Decorating Graves
family · Memories · Mom · My Thoughts

Memorial Day, 2024—My Childhood Traditions of Decorating Graves

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Gravestones - Memorial Day

We will celebrate Memorial Day, 2024 tomorrow. This year I plan to send time with my brother, but as a child, we had a tradition.

However today, some Americans seem confused about Memorial Day and Veterans Day.

Difference Between Memorial Day & Veterans Day

“Memorial Day and Veterans Day are both patriotic holidays honoring the military, but there is a significant difference between the two aside from when they land on the calendar.

Memorial Day, which falls on the last Monday in May, honors the men and women who died while serving in the military. This solemn occasion is a time to reflect on these American patriots who made the ultimate sacrifice while protecting and defending the country they deeply loved. Veterans Day, observed every November 11, recognizes all who have served in the Armed Forces.”

https://www.hfotusa.org/difference-memorial-day-veterans-day/

Many Americans see Memorial Day as the first holiday of the summer—a barbecue and maybe some family time and a day off from work but not a thought about the men and women who have died serving in the military. How about you? Did you know that?

My Childhood & Memorial Day

During my childhood, I knew “the dead” played a role in this holiday because we often we met my maternal grandparents who lived in Amarillo, Texas, at the cemetery in Des Moines, New Mexico and “decorated” the graves of our family members. But I didn’t know the military aspect of it.

It was a community time with many local people assembling with friends who had moved away. Yes, there was reverence for “decorating” the graves, and the grown-ups enjoyed seeing friends and visiting. As children, we met up with friends and ran around, not really understanding the importance of the day.

Afterwards, Mom, my brother and I would go back to Amarillo with my grandparents as the beginning to our summer fun.

My mom and dad religiously “decorated” the graves of their deceased relatives on Memorial Day. They went to Trinidad where my dad’s side of the family were buried. Then they went to Des Moines, New Mexico to honor Mom’s side of the family. When my dad died, I joined Mom in keeping up these traditions.

After Mom died, I continued the tradition of “decorating” the graves in Trinidad for many years, but I didn’t go on Memorial Day because I live 280 miles away. My cousin agreed to honor our family buried in the Des Moines cemetery.

Today & Memorial Day—”Decorating” Graves

This afternoon, my brother and I returned from a two-day trip to Cripple Creek, Colorado for his birthday celebration. We gambled and enjoyed each other—a precious relationship I have with my brother!

As we neared Trinidad this afternoon, he asked if I wanted to go by the cemetery, and I answered enthusiastically, “Yes!” This year he “decorated” the graves a week or so ago. I so appreciate him taking on this task.

Mom & Dad's gravestone - Memorial Day
Mom & Dad’s gravestone

When we arrived, I thought, “Here we are again, honoring our deceased relatives like our parents and grandparents taught us.” I took pictures of Mom and Dad’s grave and my brother and I enjoyed simple conversation, silence and reverence.

My Grandparent’s gravestone
My Aunt Helen’s gravestone

Then we walked to my Aunt Helen’s grave and my paternal grandparents, commenting on the state of each—Aunt Helen’s stone has tilted over the years and is supposed to get fixed. A small tree has grown besides Granddad Horner’s side of the gravestone and my brother commented about bringing shears to cut it down.

“Decorating” graves, graveyards and Memorial Day—that has been my tradition. We have lost no one in our family in military service, so this day became a day to honor the dead in our family.

Hopefully, if you have lost a family member or friend to military service, today you will take the time to honor them with flowers on their grave, a silent prayer of thanks or whatever ritual you think of for their service. Yes, enjoy your barbecue, your day off, the beginning of summer, but—”lest we forget!”

As a nation, we need to remember these days for what they are—forgetting the meaning of a holiday renders it less than what it is.

Hair on Fire audiobook cover - Memorial Day

~ Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir available in audiobook format at the following places:

Enjoy my interview on the podcast, The Writing Table

How Did You Spend Mother’s Day?
family · Grief · Memories · My Books · My Thoughts · poetry

How Did You Spend Mother’s Day?

Larada Horner-Miller2 Comments
Happy Mother's Day - Today

How did you spend Mother’s Day today? With your mom? Your grandma? With your children? With your grandchildren?  Alone, missing those gone on before you?

How did I spend Mother’s Day? I had a quiet day, starting with our Sunday tradition: blueberry pancakes and cribbage. Then I had a delightful re-connection with a square dance friend who I haven’t seen in years. After we connected, we called another mutual square dance friend who has had some heart issues and left her a “Happy Mother’s Day” greeting. Then, it was on to church and back home.

All day, my mom has hovered closely over me. Today, I miss her more than normal—maybe because I have been featuring the book I wrote about my loss of her, A Time to Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief (and Growth) Memoir, by giving away e-book copies on Amazon for the last five days.

Also, on Friday, I read a couple of the poems from that book as leader of my meditation group. It just felt right to share them to honor her this Mother’s Day season.

So, to continue with that thought-process, here are the two poems I shared on Friday.

After Mom died on March 23, 2013, whenever, I went home to Branson, Colorado, I would travel to Trinidad, get lunch and go out the cemetery and have lunch with Dad and Mom. Mom taught me this idea after Dad died, and it helped so much. I shed lots of tears and talked and talked.

THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER CHAIN

Mother-Daughter Chain - Today

October 14, 2013

Lunch with Dad and Mom

I wanted you to stay 
with me! 
Part of you wanted to stay, too! 

My grandma, your mother, beckoned you 
to come! 
Part of you wanted to go! 

It was a sacred, otherworldly tug-of-war! 

I witnessed your battle
that Wednesday night at 
the skilled nursing facility 

I tried to sleep on the floor,
but your verbal turmoil kept me 
awake all night! 

Ten days before your death 
you wrestled with the
 dilemma: 

Go to your mom, my grandmother 
or 
stay with your daughter, me! 

Grandma won; 
I lost! 

But someday 
you will win. 
You will tug on 
my heart
pulling me home 
to be with you! 

I have no daughter
for you to battle with 
on that day. 

The Mother-Daughter connection runs 
deep 
timeless 
beyond reality. 

Daughter-Mother connection: 
as real as it gets.

Almost a year had passed from Mom’s death, and I relief by going to Branson and remembering Mom there in her house and celebrating our memories.

SNUGGLE INTO THE MEMORIES

Snuggle into the Memories - Today

March 20, 2014

I lost Mom,
almost one year ago! 

Today I sit in her house 
surrounded by her
and
snuggle into the memories! 

No longer fighting the loss, 
not running away
from the memories! 

Not cringing at
the empty space 
in my heart. 

But I snuggle into the memories, 
lay my head on her shoulder 
like so many times before, 
breathe in her body fragrance
like so many times before,
laugh with her—her blue eyes dancing 
like so many times before,
dance with her around the living room, 
trying to recapture Dad's special step 
like so many times before. 

Memories comfort me 
today! 
Hundreds of precious moments 
shared. 

I lean into them. 

They brush my cheek 
kiss my brow 
caress my shoulder 
live deep in my heart! 

I can't bring her back! 
I tried, 
and it doesn't work! 
I can't go with her, 
not yet! 

So today
I snuggle into the memories. 
I speak her name.
I speak her joy.
I speak her laughter.
I speak her fears.
I speak her faith. 

I speak Mom!

Finally,

how does reading these poems again help me today on Mother’s Day, 2024? Any time I share about Mom helps me. It’s been eleven years. I still miss her terribly, but my familiar words about her continue to soothe my wounded heart!

So enjoy!

I have the e-book available on a Mother’s Day special for FREE on Amazon. TODAY’S THE LAST DAY FOR A FREE DOWNLOAD!

If you would like an autographed paperback copy, it is on sale for 25% off at my two online stores for a limited time:

Hair on Fire Audiobook cover - passed awa

~ Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir available in audiobook format at the following places:

Enjoy my interview on the podcast, The Writing Table

Rhonda & Rebecca: My Amazing Teaching Teammates!
Friends · Memories · My Thoughts · Teaching

Rhonda & Rebecca: My Amazing Teaching Teammates!

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment

My teaching teammates, Rhonda & Rebecca, have stayed not only colleagues but dear friends for more than thirty years. What a trio we made at Washington middle school in Albuquerque!

Rhonda

Our meeting was hilarious! In 1991, Joey Vigil, the principal, hired me at Washington middle school, then he left before school started, and Mary Tarango became my new principal. At the time, I lived in Raton, New Mexico, so I made a trip to Albuquerque for the interview. Joey had suggested I might want to meet the teacher I would be “team-teaching” with. So, I returned to Albuquerque once more in mid-summer, after setting up a meeting.

When I met with Jane Duncan in her classroom, we hit it off wonderfully, until I said, “I have these plans for my language arts class. What do you think?”

“Wait a minute! I teach language arts!” she exclaimed. We knew there was a mess-up, so we ran down to the office. Mary apologized and said, “Larada, you teach with Rhonda Sandoval. Give her a call and maybe you two can meet before you go back to Raton.”

So, I called Rhonda and asked when she wanted to meet. “The week before school starts works for me,” she replied! What a difference!

When we met, Rhonda said she grew up in Cuba—I hadn’t met a Cuban before. I responded, “Boy, you don’t have much of an accent.”

She laughed, “Cuba, New Mexico, not the country of Cuba.”

So, our team was formed! We worked together for 8 and ½ years. Originally Rhonda taught Science, Math and Social Studies; I taught Language arts, Literature and Spanish. What a heyday in education this was! We were responsible for everything for our students: discipline, curriculum, everything! I loved this “Middle School” model. Being a sociology major, Rhonda taught me class management skills, focusing any disciplinary action as a learning experience for the student.

During this time, we did interdisciplinary units. When we did a unit, we focused lessons on all content areas, and what a rich learning experience for our students instead of worksheets and seat work. An example was our Future Cities unit with a science focus. Students begged to stay in at lunch to work on this project. We also did a Native American unit where we lined our hallway with miniature teepees. We had potlucks as often as we could, thoroughly enjoying the delicious Mexican food provided by the parents. I really learned what team-teaching was with Rhonda.

One year, I found a wonderful middle school Halloween play with lots of vampire parts! One of our educational assistants translated the whole play into Spanish. So, for each class, we had an English version and a Spanish version. My focus was the students memorizing their lines. Rhonda shocked me the first year with her set design. Halloween morning, we arrived early with students waiting for us to put their make up on. What a day we had! That became one of my favorite units working with Rhonda!

One favorite yearly celebration I organized with my students was a surprise birthday party for Rhonda in January. Our students loved helping me and kept the secret! I’m sure the first year we surprised her, but every year after that, she always acted surprised, and it blessed the students so much!

Our relationship grew past just colleagues, and we became fast friends. We took care of each other during personal times of stress over the years, and it continued after I left Washington middle school. When Mom was sick in the hospital, Rhonda came once with a homemade pie for us and then just to visit. And our friendship stands as strong today as it did in 1991—33 years ago! We get together periodically to catch up on each ourselves’ lives.

Rebecca

Then at a certain point, our team of two grew to three. Mary, our principal, asked Rhonda to take a student teacher. We discussed it at the time and decided it was time to grow. Because of her amazing student teaching time with us, Mary hired Rebecca, and she joined our team the next year, and our teaching assignments change. Rhonda taught Math and Science; Rebecca taught Social Studies and Literature; I taught Language Arts and Spanish. We marveled at how easily Rebecca fit in with us! We loved her positivity! She warned us she would have a boat after she graduated. We laughed at the thought of it on a teacher’s salary. At the end of the year, we bought her a Barbie boat for her graduation party. And guess what? Rebecca had a boat within a year.

I’m not sure how many years the three of us worked together—those wonderful days all melt into one, but I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with them. We worked hard and balanced it with delicious lunch times at our favorite Chinese restaurant, Liu’s, near the school. Often, we had “Friday Afternoon Club” times together after work at a local bar with other dear friends from La Washa, our dear nickname for Washington middle school. So many memorable times together—and they have continued.

Our Team Teaching Ended

So, at the end of 1999, I left Rhonda and Rebecca—one of the hardest decisions I ever made. Because I had been having an issue with the new principal, I had been looking at other schools. Then there was a gun incident with one of my students who brought a gun to shoot me, and my transfer to another school became a part of the agreement made as a result of that.

My retirement party with La Washa Ladies! - Rhonda
My retirement party with La Washa Ladies! Back row: Carolyn, Rhonda, Danette, Aggie, Rebecca. Front row: Isabel, Larada & Mary

But the three of us stayed connected with dinners together, and we continued our involvement in each other’s lives. We attended a wedding of one of Rebecca’s daughters. When Mom died, Rhonda and Rebecca drove the four-hour drive to Trinidad, Colorado to Mom’s funeral to support me. After I retired, Rhonda threw a fun-filled party for me with several of our La Washa friends, including Mary, our principal. When Rebecca’s sister died a couple years ago and her dad died last year, Rhonda and I supported her by going to their funerals. Rhonda’s Dad died last year, so Rebecca, Carolyn (another La Washa teacher) and I drove to Cuba, New Mexico to support Rhonda and her mom.

Here thirty-some years later, we have a precious relationship, spanning so much change. In those years I’ve married three times and divorced twice. Rhonda and Rebecca stood up with me as two of my maids of honor at my marriage to Lin in 2011.

Now we get together occasionally—Christmas time for sure. We stay connect a lot through Rebecca’s texts about the current fundraiser for her granddaughter’s sport team or the lotto has gone off the map. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I called either or both of them, they would be there immediately. That’s what thirty+ years of friendship and professional connections looks like!

Do you have women like this in your life? I have had so much fun celebration Women’s History Month with the women in my life. One more week to go! Join me next week for my celebration of the women in my life!

Keep calm and vote! Rhonda

FINAL ROUND—At this time, I’m in 1st Place! Help keep me there! Vote for my book cover and make me the “Cover of the Month” queen. https://allauthor.com/cover-of-the-month/17423/

Enjoy my recent interview on the podcast, The Writing Table

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir

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