MY LIFE · My Thoughts · square dance

After Six Month I Still Can’t Dance: Oh My God!

Despair - six months

After six months, I still can’t dance. My podiatrist and physical therapist agree, and on top of the nerve pain, not dancing’s killing me! Such despair! Here’s why!

Last night we dropped by the Sweetheart Dance at the Albuquerque Square Dance Center to see friends— I still can’t dance. I tuned out the music and the dancing on the floor and concentrated on talking to my friends. Such despair! Then today, we just spent the afternoon at the dance hall for the Annual Membership Meeting. I’m on the board that runs the dance hall. Afterwards a large group went out to Sadie’s for dinner and that delicious social time we all enjoy! I looked at people sitting around the table, seeing some who I have known for decades and some just a few years! But dear friends!

So why can’t I dance? The dog attack happened six months ago—the wound has healed! But the nerve damage persists. I have peroneal nerve damage that runs from my foot to my butt. A couple months ago, my podiatrist warned me if I got kicked in a square, I could erase all the work we done so far over the past few months to diminish the nerve pain. And because of the CRPS, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, the pain could escalate and gets worse.

Then, my physical therapist told me last week when I questioned him about square dancing that I could injure my ankle with any rotating movement of the foot.

So, six months since the dog attack, I still can’t dance! If you don’t know me, you may be wondering why this one thing is so important to me.

“She Was Born Dancing!”

On June 26, 1953, my folks left
their thirteen-month-old son with Millie,
the family babysitter,
to go to a square dance in Trinidad,
fifty miles away.

Mom danced one tip that night—
She was nine months pregnant
with me.
They left the dance early
feeling something was about to happen.

Early the next morning
Mom had labor pains
that made her stagger across the floor.
It was time!

The fifty-mile trip back to Trinidad
and the hospital
was made in record time.
At 10:30 a.m. I was born.

Dad went downtown to buy cigars
and ran into a fellow dancer
from the previous night.

Dad announced his good news—
a new baby girl!

Remembering Mom at the dance
the night before,
the only comment the stunned friend
had to make was,
She was born dancing!”

Larada Horner-Miller, This Tumbleweed Landed, (Horner Publishing Company, 2014), 11-12.

So, I treasure my legacy—she was born dancing! The majority of my life has spun around dancing of some kind, and not dancing for SIX MONTHS has tortured me! Six months!

Lin and I dancing at Texas Stampede, Dallas, TX - six months

Why We Square Dance—

Why I Dance
It’s a Friday night
Or
A Saturday night
A dance night!

The week lasted for eons
grueling
I had my work face on for five days
and I kept going.
I finished this week
Exhausted!

My family needs drained me
I am welted
and
am ready to dissolve into bed!

But it’s my dance night.
I breathe deeply,
and I know!

I select my square dance outfit.
What do I feel like tonight?
Red or turquoise
Southwest design or frilly lace?

The familiarity of my weekly routine
takes over

Systematically I put on my outfit
and
as each layer goes on,
my perspective and energy level changes!
First my hose
With a deep breath, I release part of my stress
Then my pettipants
Oh my, it’s going—another deep breath
Then my top and skirt
My goodness—a glimmer of hope
Then my belt
A smile slowly crosses my lips
Next my matching petticoat and shoes
Yes, I sigh with relief
Finally, my club badge
To identify who I am—

A square dancer!

A spray to finish my hair
a touch of lipgloss
A final look in the mirror
A pirouette and a spin
crinoline flowing
I am complete!
My exhaustion replaced with anticipation!

The drive to the dance hall
becomes a time tunnel
a vacuum
a timeless space
void of the demands of this world
stress free
relaxing

Either soft music in the background
Or
a compatible silence
Or
a casual conversation

A bridge between the world out there
With its demands
And the dance world
With its pleasures!

Friends greet me as I enter the dance hall—my dance family
The music starts
I step onto the dance floor
and I am free!
The carefree child within me
spins round and around
claps her hands
and
Shouts for joy!
I am free!
The tip starts,
and I am safe
to spend two hours
In sheer joy and ecstasy!

I drop the world’s cares and concerns,
at the door,
kicking them out of view!

So if you have problems in your world, join me
and
leave them at the door!

If you are angry or sad
The magic begins
when you show up
and
dress up!
The music starts
and
I step onto the dance floor!
And then the real magic takes over!

Cares melt down my shoulders
and flitter away on a breath
giving a lightness to my step
Sorrows cluster together
and ride away on an angel’s wings.

Music playing
surrounded by dear friends
I step onto the dance floor
It is a safe place
And
I am free!

That’s why I dance!

Copyright © 2015 Larada Horner-Miller

I love the preparation, the anticipation and then finally stepping on the dance floor, the music and the dance!

I hope these words of mine in poetry form have expressed my deep love for dancing and square dancing specifically. And hopefully, you can sympathize with me for not dancing for SIX MONTHS! Yes, enduring the pain has been grueling, but this loss resonates in a different category!



Buy My Audio Books:

This Tumbleweed Landed

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Let Me Tell You a Story 

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Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Memoir Audiobook

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MY LIFE · My Thoughts

DA or the Sheriff? Trust the Legal System?

The DA, the sheriff or both mishandled my dog attack case. A phone call on Friday devastated me with new information. I’ll present the facts. You decide!

I’ve never wanted to be a lawyer, but I found out when I finished my English major degree that an English degree is often the degree lawyers receive before law school. Why is that?

While getting my degree, several classes focused on reading literature, taking it apart and then using critical thinking skills, making a statement from the pieces. That’s what I have had to do with my dog attack case.

On July 21, 2024, I was viciously attacked by a dog, going into a yard to pay the woman who had cleaned my house. Initially I told the undersheriff in the emergency room I didn’t want to press charges because I believed the owner when he said, “I should put this dog down.” He changed his mind; so did I.

Because of this change of mind of not to put the vicious dog down, on July 23, 2204, I called the sheriff who covered our area and said I changed my mind. I wanted to press charges. At this time, I also emailed him my statement at this time. I figured the sheriff’s department had pressed charges.

Lin and I had decided to wait to pursue a lawsuit until the wound healed, so at the end of November I connected with a lawyer. On December 5, 2024 I was turned down by a lawyer on a lawsuit because no charges had been pressed. No one from the sheriff’s office had called me to tell me they had decided not to press charges. I called the sheriff that day and he was supposed to call me back.

Shocked about this and tired of waiting, I called the sheriff back on December 10. He said he was sending the case FINALLY to the DA’s office. It had never been sent to the DA’s office for consideration. He apologized but had no explanation. He also apologized for not letting me know that he had decided not to press charges.

When I finally got the official case report, my statement was not included. I challenged the sheriff’s office on this and I got lots of excuses. The sheriff included it finally because I demanded it. Can you imagine that? I was the victim and my statement was not included in the official case report. The two owners of the dog included and interesting that the sheriff’s decision of no charges favored them.

Also, I have waited since the first part of December to get the photos of the open wound in the emergency room. Excuses: camera failure on the cellphone of the undersheriff who responded to the call, they sent it earlier but I never received it. I finally got them this week.

Recently I found out that the sheriff’s office had sent the case report (without my statement) to the DA’s office on August 13, 2024. So, was the sheriff I dealt with lying when he sent it on December 10? I’ve had several email communications with the head of the sheriff’s department, but they blamed the DA’s office for the mishandling of this case. This gets real confusing with all the lies and mismanagement.

On December 13, 2024, I called the DA’s office to see if my case had been sent to their office. First they said no, then they said yes. It had, and a new Deputy DA had submitted it back to the Sheriff’s Department to press charges in a criminal case. OMG! Finally, an action demanding responsibility.

Wow! Although I had to throw the lawsuit choice out the window because of the statute of limitation, I felt there were consequences for what I have gone through. We enjoyed quiet holidays at home in Tijeras.

On January 6, 2024, I received a phone call from the DA’s office telling me they have decided to dismiss the case—no real explanation. Here we go again! Then fifteen minutes later, I got another phone call saying they pressed charges on December 27, 2024. What flip-flopping! They also told me the Deputy DA would be calling me later in the week.

So once again—I felt like the legal system worked and those who should face accountability would!

So, I continued through this last week with the post-dog-attack schedule I’ve had: trauma therapy on Monday morning and PT Monday afternoon, Lovelace Pain Management Clinic on Wednesday with my new doctor, PT on Thursday and an appointment with my podiatrist later that afternoon. Yes, it was exhausting week! But I’m getting good care!

Then Friday afternoon Lin and I sat enjoying relaxing peppermint mocha lattes at Starbucks in Edgewood. The phone rang and caller ID identified the DA’s phone number. Excited, I answered, thinking I’d get a clearer explanation of what happened.

“We’ve decided to dismiss the case,” the new Deputy DA said abruptly.

Confused, sheriff

In disbelief, I sat there, questioning her again and again, trying to understand the change once again. The flip-flop back and forth!

She confirmed the DAs office received the case in August-September. She was the one who pressed charges. The case got dropped (she admitted their fault here but no apology), but they pressed charges in December, months later. A new DA reviewed the case, and now the DA reversed the charges. Not enough evidence for a criminal case plus I was in their yard! I questioned her about someone going in that yard and being killed by that dog—would the owner be free of charges? She didn’t answer me!

I hung up absolutely destroyed! I’ve dealt with the physical and emotional pain from the actual attack. I continue to deal with nerve damage pain that has no end in sight. But I have had to face the additional distress over how this case was handled and the insanity of yes, then no!

So where do I go from here? I plan to email the governor and also the state Attorney General all of this information, identifying the county and the actual government employees who failed me.

I’m sure you can see where I had anger at the sheriff’s office for their mismanagement. Then add the DA’s office and their insanity of flip-flopping back and forth. So, my conclusion—the legal system has failed me like it has so many people. I have joined the ranks of the disillusioned.

Lady Justice, sheriff

“Lady justice is an allegorical personification of the moral force in judicial systems. Her attributes are scales, a sword and sometimes a blindfold.: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Justice

As depicted above in the photo, Lady justice’s three attributes symbolize:

  • scales – the weighing of evidence and facts
  • sword – implies her ability to cut through obstacles to get to the facts of a case
  • blindfold – impartiality

How idyllic that symbol is! I wish it were true!

Have you had a sad experience with the legal system? Let me know!



Buy My Audio Books:

This Tumbleweed Landed

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Let Me Tell You a Story 

Let Me Tell You a Story audiobook cover

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Memoir Audiobook

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