For most of my adult life, I have struggled with “here” and “there.” I grew up, moved and had my adult home but my home in Branson, Colorado always called to me.
After our move to Panamá, this poem came up when I was visiting in Branson in December 2025. Witness my current struggle with “here” and “there”!
Here & There: Juggling Two Lives
The familiar train whistle blows
And I know I’m home
In Branson,
A sound that echoes through my childhood.
The wind blows
Dust devils twirl on the plains.
The mesa towers to the southwest of us.
Saddlerock hangs to the west
As another reminder of home.
This my here now!
Our family ranch calls to me
Dad voices his familiar stories
In my heart
Granddad looms large in my history
Mom’s sweet presence and squeals of delight
Echo in my soul
Memories overflow
Even though they’re gone.
Now, sitting beside my brother
With our stories.
He’s the only one who can verify their truth
Our stories
Our family’s stories
Sometimes quiet fills the truck cab
Dust swirls
Silence
Reverence for our shared lives
My brother opens up while we ride around
Safe
With deep stories
His childhood disappointments
At our community church.
I never knew!
Why???
The familiar sights
Cholla cactus
Graceful with arms extended
Yucca
Sharp spikes pointing heavenly
Pinon pine trees
Cedar trees
The smell I love!
Oak brush, orange at this time of the year
Dead trees ravaged by drought and bugs
A windy trail, bumpy with rocks
Reminds me of a Canyon Lullaby!
We try to make daily trips to the ranch,
But our busy schedule doesn’t allow.
Each trip feeds my soul, my spirit, my heart!
The train whistles in the background
Of my life here
Several times a day
Welcomed and comforting!
This house I inherited overflows
With Mom and Dad
I just used Mom’s pressure cooker
To cook spaghetti noodles
She called it her “Poor Man Microwave.”
Dad’s pot on the stove
To add some humidity to this dry climate.
Here my life is
Ranch business,
English, English, English!
No one knocks on my door anymore
My brother only
I visited my 96-year-old friend
But she’s failing!
That’s the here, but underneath
The “there” beckons!
Life there!
Our new life in Panama
Green jungle surrounds us
New friends live near us
They knock on my door.
Beautiful clear mornings as we look towards
Vulcan Barú
Rainy afternoons during the rainy season now.
Our life carved out
Two markets for fun and people
A knitting group
My recovery group
Basketball games, following one of our landlords
A more relaxed life
Less stress
US politics not the focus
No dishwasher in our rental house
Gives me time looking out the window
At the green
The colorful flowers
The hummingbird buzzing the lavender flowers
Being present
A gift!
Here my life is
My book business
Spanish, English, Spanish
Which I love!
I never planned to move
To Panama
I planned to live and die in Tijeras
And visit Branson
My here and there
Used to be Tijeras, then Branson
But we stood on our decision and morals
We said no to the insanity
We took action,
Well planned by Lin
And it happened
Here and there—juggling these two lives
When I’m here, I think of there.
When I’m there, I yearn for here.
My Writing Group
I shared this on Monday with my Writing Group from New Mexico at a Zoom meeting. One person’s critiqued: “I loved the homeyness of it. Also, I can relate to the train because I had a train in my childhood. I also love the line – ‘The “here” now.’”
Another writer in the group shared he loved the visuals and it felt so many of the topics in it were universal.
Finally,
Juggling the here and there has become an art for me—I’ve done it my whole life. What are your thoughts about this poem? Any line resonate with you? Any topic remind you of something in your life? I hope it did and please share it.
Today we toured the back side of Barú Volcano with Paul a 97-year-old geologist on the way to Volcan. What an explosion of information!
Started in Boquete
Twenty plus people rose early this Saturday morning to go on a much-anticipated tour with Dr. Paul Myers, retired geologist who just happens to be 97 years-old! Because of safety issues, they had to downsize the group by half because of stopping on roads with no shoulders. So several people agreed to go on the next tour!
Then we headed towards Volcan, down a windy road through the jungle. We had several stops where we gathered around Paul, Michael and Marteta, his assistances to hear his detailed description of the way the volcano had affected this area and their input. He described Volcano Barú, as “a half-ass volcano” because of the way the volcano cut away part of the mountain. Also, Paul let us know that it erupted every 400 years and we are now at 500, so watch out!
Geology Terminology
Immediately we learned about the lahar plain that extends all the way down to David. I had to learn geology terminology immediately.
Lahar plain is “also called a volcanic mudflow or debris flow. A mixture of water and volcanic debris that moves rapidly downstream. Consistency can range from that of muddy dishwater to that of wet cement, depending on the ratio of water to debris. They form in a variety of ways, chiefly by the rapid melting of snow and ice by pyroclastic flows, intense rainfall on loose volcanic rock deposits, breakout of a lake dammed by volcanic deposits, and as a consequence of debris avalanches.”
Another geological term I learned was debris avalanche, “Moving masses of rock, soil and snow that occur when the flank of a mountain or volcano collapses and slides downslope. As the moving debris rushes down a volcano and into river valleys, it incorporates water, snow, trees, bridges, buildings, and anything else in the way. Debris avalanches may travel several kilometers before coming to rest, or they may transform into more water-rich lahars, which travel many tens of kilometers downstream.
A debris avalanche rushes down the side of a volcano to the valley floor. Many such debris avalanches transform into lahars and travel tens of kilometers from the volcano. Typically, the scar created by the avalanche leaves a horseshoe shaped crater on volcano’s side.”
As we traveled to Volcan and stopped along the way, we saw evidence of both of these. Near the Cuesta de Piedra, we experienced a lahar plain on one side and a debris avalanche on the other.
Paul kept sharing so many details about how the volcano affected the area. He dazzled us with his unending knowledge and pleasant personality. I took notes on my iPhone, but they probably won’t mean as much to you as they do to me.
A Highlight
Sample of antecite rock
Paul told us the rock here is andecite which I had never heard of before. He showed us a sample and identified the different components of the rock. It looked so different from the lava rock I grew up with.
Paul’s Poetic Comments
Baru is a “half-ass volcano.”
You can read the landscape.
You need to geologize your vocabulary.
This scenery is telling its own history.
Give or take a million years!
For lunch, we stopped in Volcan and had a traditional Panamanian meal which I love. It cost about $5 a plate.
When we arrived below the Volcán Barú Parque Nacional, Paul slowed us down to listen to the quiet and enjoy the serenity and spirituality of the place—no loud music, no jet streams overhead, just peace and quiet. He encouraged all of us to return by ourselves and enjoy the place in a more solitary manner. A lonely tree grew out of a rock!
Volcán Barú Unclouded
I Zoomed in on The SummitVolcán Barú Summit
After a short hike, we returned to the visitors’ center and took pictures of Volcán Barú, but the clouds covered the summit. But because we waited, the clouds moved on and I got this gorgeous picture. Here we stood at 6000 feet—Volcán Barú stands 11,000 feet at its summit.
Finally,
I grew up near Capulin Mountain, a volcano in northeastern New Mexico and had visited it often with family and visitors. It has a crater to go down into and the area is surrounded with lava rock, so different from Panamá. This all felt so familiar yet so different.
Now I live facing Volcán Barú with a magnificent view of it out our living room window—another volcano, but now I know so much more about this unique one. A delightful day with friends learning about the major figure in our area, Volcán Barú. Paul called him, grandfather-abuelo!
We all need to get outside more! Nature is calling!
What a whirlwind week I’ve had. I started it in Panamá. Then I flew to Albuquerque for a few days and then on to Branson, Colorado to be with my brother! Whew!
Monday, October 27
It was an early day for Lin and I—up at 4:30 AM with our trusty Uber driver, Joel, picking us up at 5:15 AM. At the airport, we went our separate ways: Lin returned to David, Panamá and our dear neighbor picked him up.
I flew to Houston, Texas in Business class, a new experience for me. The reason we did that—we don’t get charged for two suitcases. Otherwise, in Economy Premium you pay for the second suitcase. So, to explain: I put my medium suitcase in my big one to fill when I go through the storage shed. On the flight, I worked on the final layout of my second book some, but not as much as I had hoped.
In Houston, once again I went through customs easily because Lin and I bought the “Global Entry” which makes entry into the US seamless because of facial recognition.
I had a four-hour layover in Houston, but it worked because I did have to get my suitcase and recheck. I needed to eat, and I love sitting in an airport and watching people.
On my flight to Albuquerque, I slept most of the way. My dear friend, Sheri, picked me up and we went to one of our favorite eateries, Rusty Taco, for dinner.
Tuesday, October 28
Immediately Sheri offered to chauffeur me around, so we went to two different Walmarts to pick up some things I knew I couldn’t get in Panamá—yarn for the baby afghan I’m knitting for my great nephew and three-hole hole puncher. Sheri graciously offered to go to the second one.
Then in the afternoon, we drove up to our house in Tijeras to change the air conditioning to heating. It ended up being super easy because when we put in the air conditioning we bought a top-line thermostat.
We walked around Lin’s garden and marveled at how well it looked, but we were sad to see the absence of the three big fish we had in our pond. Sheri and I only saw the three little ones.
Then, on our way home, we stopped at our storage shed just to check on it. Everything looked great, and I easily found the scale we have to weigh a suitcases. Lin had left it out in the open on top of the “Panamá” boxes near the door.
After that, we went home and enjoyed a relaxing evening of watching “Dancing With the Stars.” I used the yarn I bought and knitted like crazy. I want to finish it on this trip and mail it—it’s late because he was born May 25, on his granddad’s (my brother) birthday.
Wednesday, October 29
This whirlwind day centered on medical needs. I had messaged my primary care physician about the hearing loss I’ve experienced since the ear infection I had in September. His nurse called back but I didn’t answer because I didn’t recognize the number. She left a voicemail, so I called back and they got me an appointment on November 14. I had to delay it because I was going to northern New Mexico on the train on Thursday and staying a couple weeks with my brother.
Then a little later I got a phone call saying they had a 1:00 appointment THAT day! OMG! I had plans to go with our realtor to our house to meet a painter for an appraisal at 11:30 AM. So, I declined.
When our realtor picked me up and we barely pulled away from Sheri’s house, my phone rang and it was primary care physician with no greeting, only a question—“Why can’t you make the 1:00 PM appointment?”
I told him what I was doing. After a short silence, he said, “Can you make it at 3:00 this afternoon?”
I looked at my realtor and she shook her head, so I said, “YES!” Wow! Can you believe that!
We met the painter then had lunch and great conversation, catching up.
Sheri took me to my 3:00 appointment. My doctor had concerns about my right ear and the possibility I still had an infection in it, so he gave me a prescription for an antibiotic.
Sheri has dinner every Wednesday with two girlfriends, so I joined them. What a delightful time I had to meet the women I heard her talk about often. Afterwards we picked up my prescription. When we got home, I went through seven weeks of junk mail mostly that our realtor had collected! It was a bin full! To end the evening, I organized my suitcase, to prepare for my trip the next day.
Thursday, October 30
Sheri woke up sick because of an antibiotic she was taking, but she did feel better later so she took me to the Amtrak train station. The train was an hour late from Albuquerque then delayed thirty minutes more on the trip.
Because of problems with my leg still, I sat downstairs by a 92-year-old woman traveling to Wisconsin. She was a retired high school English teacher, so we had a lot in common.
On the trip, I worked on my book business and set up a couple ads to promote some of my books.
When I arrived in Raton, New Mexico, my brother was waiting. We went to Bruno’s for pizza and had some of the best pizza I’ve ever had. Then we drove the hour trip home to Branson.
Friday, October 31
Of course, we went out to our ranch in the morning! I love going out there with him. Recently we’ve had road work done on our canyon and created two new reservoirs. What fun it was to see the road improvements and water in both of the reservoirs.
My brother is a big sports fan, so we watched the sixth game of the World Series with both of us cheering for the Toronto Blue Jays. Sadly they didn’t win which pushed it into a seventh game.
Saturday, November 1
What a busy whirlwind day I had full of Zoom meetings!
First, I joined my CoDA meeting at 10:30 AM in Albuquerque via Zoom. I love staying connected to this meeting and my friends there.
During the meeting, my brother texted me that his deer meat was ready to pick up. He’s a great hunter and shot a buck last week. So, he drove to Capulin, New Mexico to pick up the meat and the head. He’s going to have the head mounted to add to his collection of nine heads he already has in his living room.
After the meeting, I cooked some antelope backstrap for us for lunch. When he got back, I went to his house to watch the Texas Tech football game and eat lunch. His great nephew, Coy Eakins, plays on the team and our whole family has been following Coy and Tech.
At 3:00 PM, I changed from Tech football and came to my house and did a Zoom meeting with my three friends for our monthly meeting. Again, I enjoyed the stories and the camaraderie of this group.
That night, we watched the seventh game of the World Series that stretched into an eleven-inning game. These two teams were evenly matched, but the LA Dodgers won. Sadly we had no trick or treaters!
Another whirlwind day for sure!
Sunday, November 2
Because I’m a Denver Broncos’ fan, I missed church and went to my brother’s house to watch the game with him. He’s an avid Broncos’ fan with a house totally decorated with Denver Broncos’ stuff and San Francisco Giants’ stuff—he lived in northern California for 32 years.
And the Broncos pulled out another win, driving us crazy until the end.
Afterwards, my brother and I drove fifty miles to Trinidad to his friend Bill who is a taxidermist and gave him the head of the buck my brother shot. I love Bill! We sat for quite a while listening to his stories.
Finally,
As you can see, this whirlwind week overflowed with activity. In the midst of everything, I did a poll on four book cover possibilities for my new book. Let me know which one you like.
This book will be out sometime this year, hopefully at the end of November! Be on the lookout!
Panamá City delighted us this week as we toured some local sites but mainly accomplished our goal: we applied for our e-cedula! And buried somewhere within our flight to Panamá City and everything—we celebrated our fourteenth anniversary!
Monday, October 20 & Tuesday, October 21: Prep Days for Panamá City
I filled these two days with packing for five weeks in different climates. I packed items in my medium-sized bag and then put it inside my big suitcase. Yes, that big suitcase will be full when I return on December 2.
After two months, I finally got my hair cut in Boquete on Tuesday, and the stylist pleased me with the cut. In our Spanish conversation, she had a hard time understanding me wanting the top “spiked,” so it’s not as short on top as usual. Also, I learned something very interesting. She styled it with no gel or hairspray—just natural. OMG! I haven’t worn my hair that way in decades, and you can guess what I did the next day when I styled it—gel and hairspray.
Wednesday, October 22 – Our 14th Anniversary & Flight to Panamá City
Our dear neighbor, Ruth, drove us to the airport in David to catch a 9:44 AM flight to Panamá City’s Tocumen International Airport.
Joel, our trusty Uber driver, was there and drove us to the Marriott Panamá Hotel which is attached to the Albrook Mall. Our drive took longer because we passed two car accidents, but it gave us time to catch up. Joel pointed out the Tribunal Electoral de Panamá building to us as we drove by on our way to the hotel. Unknowingly, I booked our hotel about ten minutes away from where we needed to go on Friday to start the process for the e-cedula.
We settled in and immediately went to the mall to grab a late lunch.
Thursday, October 23 – Free Day
Because the weather was iffy, we spent the day going through the Albrook Mall. It has over 700 stores and three food courts and lots of ice cream stores for Lin!
In the Costo store, I found a bathing suit and went to try it on. Two young women stopped me at the door and spoke in Spanish. I asked if anyone spoke English; they both shook their heads no. The one speaking repeated her request three times, and I finally figured it out—I had to try the bathing suit on over my clothes! Very interesting. I ended up buying it because it was not too expensive, so if it didn’t work, I could give it away. When I tried it on back in the room later, I liked it!
Surprisingly, we found a Skechers shoe store, and we both bought a new pair of shoes. I bought bright orange. Lin bought a pair of wet shoes!
That evening we watched the Thursday Night Football game. Then we prepared for the big day—Friday, October 24. We’ve had this appointment for a couple months and anticipated it.
Friday, October 24 — E-cedula Day & Panamá Viejo
I connected with Joel, our Uber driver, early that morning. He’s so responsible. Joel had battery trouble in his car, so he called another Uber driver for us!
Thankfully, we arrived early and met up with our “Fixer,” Jennifer and her husband, Ariel. She also had another couple she was helping. I had dreaded this day because, Lorrie, our friend who went through this process last week, warned me about the picture requirements—wear a dark shirt, no big earrings, no bangs on your forehead and put your hair behind your ears. Jennifer also emphasized these items in an email.
Jennifer had folders of paperwork on each couple. My name was called first, so off I went to a desk with Jennifer with a handful of papers. The clerk, Yessica, asked for my passport and permanent visa. She welcomed me warmly and we had a lovely conversation as she worked. Yessica loved my red shirt with the square and round dance logo, “Life is a dance.” She read it to her co-workers and we all celebrating “dancing—bailar.”
Then, I moved over to another desk to pay $50 for the e-cedula card. The clerk asked me what my birthdate and blood type was. Before this process started several months ago, I would not have known it, but we have had to have a couple of blood tests, so I know it now.
Then I moved to another desk for the dreaded picture! Joshua, the clerk, greeted me with a warm smile. Then Ariel came over and gave me a clip he had on to keep his Yarmulke on, being a practicing Jew. I clipped my bangs completed over to the right. Then Joshua politely reminded me to pulled my hair behind my ear on my right side.
Joshua took four or five pictures, telling me to look left, then right, to tilt my chin up then down. When he finally decided he had one, a colleague came by and they both laughed at the picture. When I looked at it, I flinched! I have a large forehead I cover with hair—that’s all I saw!
But I was finished! And the rest of the group finished quickly. In fact, Jennifer said we finished the fastest she had ever experienced. We finished in less than an hour, and she had originally warned us it could take two hours. Our e-cedulas will be available in five days.
Friday Continues at Panamá Viejo
After a celebratory drink and snack with our group, Joel picked us up and took us to Panamá Viejo. Lin specifically wanted to go there to buy THE PANAMA BIRDING BOOK, An Illustrated Field Guide to the Birds of Panama. It’s sold in limited places only in Panama City. So we bought it immediately, and I even bought my own copy because I like to mark books up, and Lin hates that!
The TowerAs we walked up the tower, the view of Panama City Today!The Bird that joined us for lunch!A final view back at the Tower & Panama City!
We had no idea what a delight Panamá la Vieja was! Joel, our Uber, driver had pointed it out as we crawled a long the way on Wednesday. Here’s what it is:
“also known as Panamá la Vieja, is the remaining part of the original Panama City, the former capital of Panama, which was destroyed in 1671 by the Welsh privateer Henry Morgan. It is located in the suburbs of the current capital. Together with the historical district of Panamá, it has been a World Heritage Site since 1997.”
So all dressed up in long pants and a warm shirt, I hiked to the top of the famous tower with Lin. We had a leisure lunch, entertained by the bird above. We met a couple from Philly and Lin immediately bonded with them over the Philadelphia Eagles. It was a beautiful day with no rain, but I was soaked with sweat!
On the drive back to the hotel, Joel told us about another attraction to visit, the Parque Muncipal Summit. He felt we would enjoy it on Saturday, so we took him up on it.
Saturday, October 25 — Parque Muncipal Summit
Joel picked us up at 9:15 AM and drove us to the Parque Muncipal Summit. As we traveled, the Panama Canal was on our left side, and we saw ships either coming or going. Camp Clayton was on our right and houses Ciudad del Saber, the City of Knowledge, a great use of the former military base. When Joel dropped us off, we agreed he’d pick us up at 1:00 PM.
The Parque Muncipal Summit “is a botanical garden with a facility for rescue and wildlife rehabilitation of exotic and native wildlife in central Panama.”
Our journey began with a luscious walk through tropical vegetation and flowers. What a treat! We saw a harpie eagle, Panama’s national bird. Then we wandered the lush green botanical garden, seeing a lonely jaguar who called for his friend, the puma, who they moved to another enclosure. We saw ocelots and so many monkeys. Many of these animals are rescued!
Walking Through the GardenHarpie EagleJaguarMacawA Monkey
Somewhere in the morning we realized we needed more time, so I texted Joel to pick us up at 2:00 PM. He thought that was hilarious!
My Two Favorite Parts of the Parque Muncipal Summit
I had two favorites attractions! Three sloths—in Spanish perezosos which literally means “lazy”—entertained us. We stood so close to them as they ate carrots and other goodies—slowly, methodically and deliberate.
My other favorite was the Butterfly Pavilion—Casa de Domo. They had two Blue Morpho butterflies. I had seen them in Costa Rica in 2020 and one landed on my hand. Of course, I wanted another to do that, but it didn’t happen.
A butterfly drinking from a feederButterfly eggs
Because we stayed longer in there, the attendant came in and gave us a private tour of the place and showed us butterfly eggs on a leaf and told us inside stories about the place—what a treat!
On the drive back, Joel told us the ships on the Panama Canal go from Pacific to the Atlantic in the morning, the Atlantic to the Pacific in the afternoon, and in the evening both directions. What a system!
Yes, the day was fantastic and a delight!
Sunday, October 26 —Football Day & Packing
Today has been football day for us. Lin’s Philadelphia Eagles won and so did my Denver Broncos, so we’re good.
We made one last trip to the Mall and had ice cream at our favorite place. We just packed. Tomorrow Lin returns to David and then to Boquete (Jaramillo Abajo), and I fly to the US for a few weeks to visit my brother and friends in Albuquerque.
Finally,
Being a tourist in Panama City delighted me, and I feel like we accomplished something by checking one more task off our list for our move to Panama. Life is good!
