Christmas · family · My Thoughts

I Witnessed Branson’s Birth!

I witnessed Branson's birth
Branson Layne

IIn 2009, I witnessed the birth of my great nephew, Branson Layne. This special event has connections back to July 2005. Here’s what happened!

In July 2005, my sister-in-law died. At the time, her youngest daughter was pregnant with her first child, due in October. My niece asked me if I would come and be with her when her baby came the evening of her mom’s memorial service—to step in for her mom! In a mixture of sorrow and joy, tears and laughter, I said, “YES!”

To understand the importance of this for me, I have no children. So, this offered me the experience of childbirth—yes, from an observer’s point-of-view, but a full view of the experience, and the opportunity to assist my dear niece.

So, I saved my Southwest points so I could fly to California at the drop of hat. As her due date neared, I packed a bag to be ready! I was so excited! At 6:00 AM on October 4, 2005, I got the call. Her water broke—it was here! Immediately, I booked a flight with my points, got to the airport and flew away, hoping to be there on time. I’m the eternal optimist!

The sad news: I landed in Sacramento, California when he came, and they lived a couple hours away, so no first-hand experience with his birth. However, I did enjoy being there within hours of his birth. Also, I stayed several days to help out as best I could, and I loved it!

Fast forward, four years. My niece announced her pregnancy of her second child and had two possible due dates—December 19 & 21 because he was measuring “big.” Again, she asked me to be present at his birth—this looked promising. Being a teacher, I got out of school for Christmas break, Friday, December 18. I didn’t want to miss this one.

So, I flew out that weekend, and the waiting game began. Her due dates came and went. Her husband and I walked her around Walmart to get things stirred up. No, not yet. My poor niece looked miserable. We had pizza; we walked. We did everything we could think of to bring that baby out, but nothing worked.

Christmas 2009 came and went. My brother and I attended Midnight Mass at the Catholic church in their small town on Christmas Eve. What a memorable night that was! I barely remember Christmas day, with my eyes and heart glued on my niece.

December 26 passed by slowly at a snail’s pace. My niece had been told that they would induce the baby on December 27 and to be at the hospital at 8:00 AM. She had trouble sleeping that night, so excited, so they arrived there at 7:30 AM. As soon as she got her hospital gown on, she felt a huge “pop.” She said it felt like a champagne bottle uncorking. Her water broke and it was starting.

My niece's husband continued to walk her - I witness
My niece’s husband continued to walk her

My brother and I got the phone call we’d been waiting for. I grabbed my camera and off to the hospital we went. Even though her water broke, her husband continued walking her! Her painful agony broke my heart—such pain. Shortly support arrived: my nephew’s wife and a close girlfriend. Both of these women supported her through the birth process. My nephew sat out in the waiting room with his two young daughters with my brother. I took a seat in the background, in awe, and took lots of pictures because I wanted to have a record of this event.

Originally my niece asked for no epidural prior to the birth as a part of her birth plan, however she begged for one in the midst of it all because of the severe pain, but our little boy came too quickly so she was able to have him without it.

My niece had a wonderful relationship with her doctor which made it all so much better. When Branson was born, the doctor allowed me to move in close and take amazing pictures. What an absolute miracle birth is! I had never realized how thick the umbilical cord is!

Branson came into the world screaming—such a welcoming sound when you’re waiting for a baby to be born. And the whole birth wasn’t as bloody as I thought it would be! The nurse gave him to his momma to cuddle close. Then the nurse took him aside to a place with bright lights to do all the necessary tasks for a new born—clean him up some, put salve in his eyes and measure him. They let me photograph it all! I was in heaven. This big strapping boy weighed in at 9 pounds, 6 ounces! She also measured his head—interesting! And he continued to cry!

After all the necessary medical things, his dad held him for the first time, admiring his new son. Then his auntie held him and thrilled at him. They brought his four-year-old brother in to see him for the first time and the meeting was precious! Our family and the young couple’s friends surrounded our new born Branson. Finally, I got to hold him—what a miracle! Following me, my brother—Poppa got to hold his new grandson!

It was time for Branson to feed, so my niece put him to her breast for his first feeding. Then another friend came by.

Branson's First Bath with Aunt Larada - I witnessed
Branson’s First Bath with Aunt Larada

Then they gave him his first bath and he screamed some more. The parade of relatives continued when another uncle and aunt came to meet his new nephew. And his other grandad came also. This was truly a family celebration!

It all felt so surreal to watch this unfold before me—Branson’s birth and the expression of love and celebration by so many.

We brought Branson home the next day, and family continued to surround them with love. Then on December 31, 2009, he ended up back in the hospital with jaundice. They put him under certain medical rays in a “blue box” to combat the jaundice, protecting his eyes with covers. My niece and I spent the night in the hospital with him, and we donned silly 2010 sunglasses trying to stay positive. Branson was released the next day—New Year’s Day.

The day I left, our family met at their favorite restaurant, and we celebrated our new youngster. I choked up, not wanting to leave this family and their two boys!

Now fourteen years later, as I prepared for this blog, I so enjoyed going back through my pictures and reliving this special time for me. This young couple gave me a gift of a lifetime—seeing Branson’s birth touched me deeply and quieted a deep sadness I’d felt for so many years.

Finally, I witnessed Branson’s birth, certainly a privilege. Have you ever witnessed a birth? If so, how did you feel?

Here’s Branson above the town of Branson, Colorado at the Saddlerock picnic area in 2022! Just an aside—he’s named after the town I grew up in—Branson, Colorado!

Branson, 2022 - I witnessed
Branson, 2022

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir - I witnessed

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family · Grief · Life Lessons · Memoirs · Mom · My Thoughts · poetry

Does Your Heart Break on Mother’s Day?

Here it is six years after my Mom’s death and Mother’s Day smacks me in the face with fresh grief—I miss buying Mom a card and flowers and calling her up. I miss her infectious laughter and her practical jokes. The pain never goes away.

Many people face grief on this celebratory day—the graphic above shows those affected most. For many years before Mom died, I dreaded this day. Why? Because I am not a mother, and that hole in my heart pulsated to an overwhelming size on this annual day of remembrance.

I remember going to church one Mother’s Day many years ago (not to my present church for sure), and they had all the mothers present stand and gave them a flower. Again, I stifled tears being reminded of my lack.

Today my church gave every woman present a chrysanthemum and said a prayer for “Mothers, Potential Mothers, and Women Who ‘Mother’ in Any Way.” Today I stood, satisfied for sure.

Yes, I have mothered many people’s children. I was a middle school teacher for twenty years. My brother and his wife knew my deep longing for a child—I had a miscarriage about the time they got pregnant with the first of their three children. They share their children with me in a deep meaningful way, and I am close to them and their children.

After the miscarriage, my first husband and I sought help from a fertility specialist in Denver, Colorado—the famous Dr. Bradley who pioneered a natural child method. We started with fertility tests with my husband and went no further because he had aspermia, a disease of weak sperm.

So we thought about artificial insemination. The thought thrilled me because finally I could get pregnant, but my husband didn’t agree. So we planned to adopt a child and were within six months of getting our baby. I had knitted booties, baby blankets and put together a nursery. We went through Lutheran Social Services in Denver, Colorado, and they did the work-up on the couple a few months before placement instead of at the beginning. They felt if a couple lasted the four year wait; they were a sure bet. We had waited our four years to get our baby, but as the great day drew near, the tension in our marriage increased and he walked out. I later found out he had unsavory skeletons in his closet, and I was heartbroken in my double losses!

My mother especially grieved with me over the loss of a child—I had been raised to get married, live happily ever after and have 2.4 children. The Horner’s celebrated children and grandchildren. After my divorce, Mom talked about artificial insemination—she even offered to help me pay the hefty price of $10,000 for it! (Remember, this was in the early 1980s.)

The battle raged inside me—I could finally have the baby I always wanted, but I labored over the fact of being a single Mom. In the end, I chose not to do it which looking back; I realized was a wise decision for me.

The next few years I drank away, numbing my broken heart and acting out! God’s mercy won in the choice I made. I would have injured a child with my crazy lifestyle at that time.

The years have healed that profound ache, and I am satisfied with my childless life today, but I will always be indebted to my Mom and her undying support of the need she knew I had!

Here are two poems I wrote in 1996 and 2005 while I was still lamenting the lack of a child in my life:

Childless – 1996

The pain of being without a child!  Eternally alone!
No child has burst forth from my womb
nor sucked at my breast.
Barren cavity deep inside waiting to be filled with life.
Waiting, waiting, waiting!

I have no child to pass my stories on to, my history, our history,
how Grandad created our ranch,
how special Branson Christmas trees are
because we cut them down from our ranch, our land,
how to do the Jessie polka and waltz,
how I was almost named Jessie.

My name, Larada, that should pass on to my granddaughter,
like my grandmother passed it on to me, 
every other generation for 7 generations.

Cheated, robbed, failed!

Not woman, not mom, nothing!  Does a child define woman? 
Does the lack of them define me?

Names and faces dance in circles in my mind
Lael Marie
Patrick Lawrence
Curly blond hair, blue inquisitive eyes.
Bright red hair, changeable hazel eyes.
A mixture of him and me.

I have no daughter that has my smile nor a son with my Dad’s red hair.
No one to call me, “Mommy.”

The empty cavity waiting to be filled has grown larger
no longer just my womb,
but now my whole being,
my every thought,
ME!

Aching, lonely, pulsating to the beat of life
missing what never was!

****************

Childless at 51 – 2005

I am childless
51
single!
Reality hit yesterday as life in
My 50’s sheds light on my life’s fact.

Who will carry on the stories I have –
A lifetime full of
Traditions?

Who will recall that
Grandma Horner demanded
I have a set of sheets
With yellow roses?
Her mark of innocence for me, her namesake.

Who will name their child Larada?
Will that meaningful name
Die with me?

Who will remember that Dad
Called me Shorty?
Who will share my travel escapades?
My love for the Mayas!

Who will know the story behind
Each Christmas decoration
Hanging on my tree?

Who will understand the
Spiritual voyage I took
By looking through my
Personal library of life?
Will you be able to stitch together
The words that formed the
Frame that I draped
My life over?

That gave me closure to
The search through
The pages, the beliefs,
The heart-wrenching self
That examined herself
Through various beliefs
and concepts.

Who will look at all
My belongings
And be able to define
The complex mystery
Of Larada?
No one, but me!


Are you sad this Mother’s Day? If so, tell me your pain so I can share it and lessen your burden.


Check out my web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com

MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL UNTIL MAY 14, 2019: 25% off of A Time to Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief Memoir—digital & paper copies. Visit my Etsy Shop, Larada‘s Reading Loft, to purchase my books.

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