Honestly, do we know anyone, really? I know I hide part of myself from the world, afraid to expose too much of my true self, concerned about safety. Will I get burned, again? Can I be that honest? I’ve struggled with this for years.
One of my favorite books published in 1975 was Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? by John Powell. “Why am I afraid to tell you who I really am boils down to — if I told you who I really am and you didn’t like it — it’s all I’ve got.”
That explanation resonated with me forty-five years ago and still does today. Over the years, I’ve tried to be honest but have failed often. I avoided confrontation and making waves, but is that being honest? I’ve bit my tongue and walked away from a potential argument.
So, I offer you a glance inside me with these two poems: a country carefree child and an adult sizing up me and my life today.
The Slam of a Screen Door
July 16, 2020
Slam
A screen door
Not today’s version
But a relic from the 50s and 60s.
It bounced a couple times
When shut
No latch to hold it
Tight
Mosquitoes, flies and other
Bothersome pests
Escaped inside
Sharp, resonating!
Not as protective
As the 21st century version!
But the slam
The sound
The bang
Echoes through
My childhood!
Running outdoors
Giggling
Afire with life
My brother chasing me
With a water gun
Summer’s sound
Of freedom
Slam!
Close with a bang!
Mom’s repeated shout,
“Don’t the slam the door!”
Never heeded!
We didn’t do it in anger
Only in haste
In urgency
To get outside
To start the adventure
Slam
Too active
And driven
To catch it!
Focused
On other priorities
Other possibilities
Outside
A hike to Brown Springs
To discovery
A bicycle ride
To freedom
A secluded time in our treehouse
To dream
Slam
Close noisily
A new day
A new adventure
A door opened to the world
And
Possibility!
Let’s Go!
You May Think You Know Me, But. . . August 9, 2020 As I pondered a topic Old yet new I marveled at the thought Daily Honesty! Honesty Truthfulness Sincerity Frankness Freedom from deceit or fraud To be honest Is to be vulnerable To risk exposure To lay bare my insides to you. Are you safe? Can I trust you? At this moment, I feel compelled To do so. I’m country You know I grew up embarrassed And ashamed! Not sophisticated Like the ladies on TV Like the ladies in town. I’m religious A Christian to the core But unorthodox! I’ve dabbled in Native American Savored the peaceful sweat lodge ceremony Buddhist beliefs Became a silent observer Valuing the art of listening Jewish wisdom Honored the roots of Christianity I’ve divorced three times. One heartbroken But necessary for my sanity One victorious Because I stood up One heartbroken But a major turning point I’m a political person Independent for years Raised Republican But moved out Caused by disillusionment With both parties. I hate arguing politics Remember many hurtful conversations With my dad We didn’t change each other In the process Just bitter memories! Saying that, I’m a liberal! That’s not a dirty word Dictionary says, “tolerant, unprejudiced, unbigoted, broad-minded, open-minded, enlightened; permissive, free, free and easy, easygoing.” I can live with those! I yearn for equality For all! I’m a talker Love sharing my thoughts Love heart-to-heart conversations On spiritual real topics, Not head stuff. I hate gossip, Yet I get sucked in! I love people All colors Shapes And sizes! Young and old So much to learn! My heart has been broken! I’ve faced despair Depression Suicidal thoughts Alcoholism Promiscuity Incest Yet survived. Recovery gave me my life back! I was an English major I have book shelves lined with Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets Hemingway’s short stories T. S. Eliot’s poetry Hillerman’s southwest novels I’m a poet At heart Words inspire me to life Words create images Poetry gathers words And creates life. I’m a writer The voice of the plains Of my heart And Marshall Flippo. I’m a dancer When the music starts It sets me free! The movement The rhythm The connection to the universe! I’m a computer geek! The magic of technology Captivates me And I want to create! I’m fragile Sensitive I’m strong Resilient I’m the baby of five. My daddy’s little girl My mom’s “baby girl!” Adored by my parents! I’ve feared obesity My whole life I watched my mom struggle And her mom And many of the women On that side of the family I make friends I keep friends! I’m a paradox So, my honesty jumps From here to There. I’m an expansive spirit Today a soul on fire A God-driven energy And A sleeping cat All rolled up into one! That’s me!
Honestly, a dichotomy I am, but I know I have to be honest. I will engage with you; I won’t argue. I will share the depth of my spirit; I won’t hold back, and hopefully you will get a glimpse of Larada.
Tell me what “Daily Honesty” means to you! I’d love to hear your thoughts about honesty.
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