family · Memories · Mom · My Thoughts

Memorial Day, 2024—My Childhood Traditions of Decorating Graves

Gravestones - Memorial Day

We will celebrate Memorial Day, 2024 tomorrow. This year I plan to send time with my brother, but as a child, we had a tradition.

However today, some Americans seem confused about Memorial Day and Veterans Day.

“Memorial Day and Veterans Day are both patriotic holidays honoring the military, but there is a significant difference between the two aside from when they land on the calendar.

Memorial Day, which falls on the last Monday in May, honors the men and women who died while serving in the military. This solemn occasion is a time to reflect on these American patriots who made the ultimate sacrifice while protecting and defending the country they deeply loved. Veterans Day, observed every November 11, recognizes all who have served in the Armed Forces.”

https://www.hfotusa.org/difference-memorial-day-veterans-day/

Many Americans see Memorial Day as the first holiday of the summer—a barbecue and maybe some family time and a day off from work but not a thought about the men and women who have died serving in the military. How about you? Did you know that?

During my childhood, I knew “the dead” played a role in this holiday because we often we met my maternal grandparents who lived in Amarillo, Texas, at the cemetery in Des Moines, New Mexico and “decorated” the graves of our family members. But I didn’t know the military aspect of it.

It was a community time with many local people assembling with friends who had moved away. Yes, there was reverence for “decorating” the graves, and the grown-ups enjoyed seeing friends and visiting. As children, we met up with friends and ran around, not really understanding the importance of the day.

Afterwards, Mom, my brother and I would go back to Amarillo with my grandparents as the beginning to our summer fun.

My mom and dad religiously “decorated” the graves of their deceased relatives on Memorial Day. They went to Trinidad where my dad’s side of the family were buried. Then they went to Des Moines, New Mexico to honor Mom’s side of the family. When my dad died, I joined Mom in keeping up these traditions.

After Mom died, I continued the tradition of “decorating” the graves in Trinidad for many years, but I didn’t go on Memorial Day because I live 280 miles away. My cousin agreed to honor our family buried in the Des Moines cemetery.

This afternoon, my brother and I returned from a two-day trip to Cripple Creek, Colorado for his birthday celebration. We gambled and enjoyed each other—a precious relationship I have with my brother!

As we neared Trinidad this afternoon, he asked if I wanted to go by the cemetery, and I answered enthusiastically, “Yes!” This year he “decorated” the graves a week or so ago. I so appreciate him taking on this task.

Mom & Dad's gravestone - Memorial Day
Mom & Dad’s gravestone

When we arrived, I thought, “Here we are again, honoring our deceased relatives like our parents and grandparents taught us.” I took pictures of Mom and Dad’s grave and my brother and I enjoyed simple conversation, silence and reverence.

Then we walked to my Aunt Helen’s grave and my paternal grandparents, commenting on the state of each—Aunt Helen’s stone has tilted over the years and is supposed to get fixed. A small tree has grown besides Granddad Horner’s side of the gravestone and my brother commented about bringing shears to cut it down.

“Decorating” graves, graveyards and Memorial Day—that has been my tradition. We have lost no one in our family in military service, so this day became a day to honor the dead in our family.

Hopefully, if you have lost a family member or friend to military service, today you will take the time to honor them with flowers on their grave, a silent prayer of thanks or whatever ritual you think of for their service. Yes, enjoy your barbecue, your day off, the beginning of summer, but—”lest we forget!”

As a nation, we need to remember these days for what they are—forgetting the meaning of a holiday renders it less than what it is.


Hair on Fire audiobook cover - Memorial Day

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir available in audiobook format at the following places:

Enjoy my interview on the podcast, The Writing Table


Books · My Books · My Thoughts

Santa Fe International Literary Festival—Wow!

Stack of books - Santa Fe

I just finished the 3rd annual Santa Fe International Literary Festival and it was off-the-map! Lots of well-known authors and lots of fun! Here’s how I ended up there!

In December, I got a Christmas newsletter from a friend and in a blurb at the bottom, she referenced she organized the volunteers and tickets for the Santa Fe International Literary Festival. I had never heard of it, but immediately I emailed her and volunteered.

So, I’ve been anticipating this event for months. I left it up to her for my volunteer shift times. She said, “How about 7:30 am-12:30 pm both Saturday and Sunday?” Sounded good to me.

As I planned and prepared for this weekend, Lin had a garden event at the Randall Davey Audubon Center in Santa Fe Saturday morning, so he joined me in our hotel Friday night—what a nice treat.

The Friday night welcome began with a poem from the renowned Lucy Tapahonso, spoken in Navajo and English. Then I saw Jesmyn Ward, author of Let Us Descend, interviewed by Tracy K. Smith. What a great opening night.

Now I have to confess that I didn’t know the names of all the authors, but because of working the morning shifts while I worked, I saw the following:

  • Roshi Joan Halifax started the morning with meditation. I have heard her speak before but never meditated with her. I did see her and help get the people in the room, but I didn’t get to meditate with her because I also was room manager in the Sweeney ballroom. Maybe next year!
  • David Gunn, who wrote Killers of the Flower Moon, interviewed by Santa Fe’s own Hampton Sides. David talked of how the book became a best-selling movie and promoted his new book, The Wager. His personality shone through.
  • Lynsey Addario, a photojournalist, who has photographed all major wars in the 21st century. Her presentation stunned me, so I had to buy her memoir, It’s What I Do.

The morning’s duties exhausted me because I did a lot of standing, yet I had bought tickets to four more events Saturday afternoon. Because I didn’t have enough time to grab lunch quickly, I decided not to rush off to the first afternoon session for me.

  • Poet, Arthur Sze, interviewed by poet, Wang Jiaxin. I love poetry but I had trouble understanding these two, so I left early to regroup for the rest of the day.
  • Tracy K. Smith, poet, interviewed, by Hakim Bellamy, entertained me with her strong shares about poetry writing.
  • Anthony Doerr, author of All The Light We Cannot See, interviewed by Bryan Curtis. Anthony was one of my favorites with a high energy, fun-filled talk.

Saturday evening, I saw Julia Alvarez, Dominican Latina author of The Cemetery of Untold Stories. I had heard of Julia for years but never read any of her books. So, a month or so ago, I started reading her first book, How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents and fell in love with her writing. She was interviewed by Manuel Munoz who identified her as his idol.

So, when the day ended, I went to bed at 10:00 pm (early for me) super-exhausted but so satisfied. Lin went home so I was on my own.

Sunday morning, I worked the same shift I worked on Saturday and again saw some super stars in the literary world

  • Natalie Goldberg, a longtime mentor of mine, led the morning meditation with writing practice (see Writing Down the Bone if you are not familiar with that term). I stayed with her until she assigned the first writing prompt, but I had to go the Sweeney ballroom to prepare for the author’s presentation there.
  • Kai Bird, co-author of American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer and other biographies, interviewed James McGrath Morris, shared his experience of co-writing a biography. He waited 19 years to have this book produced as a movie! The story tells more than just about the bomb—the tragic trial and accusations were horrible.
  • Patrick Radden Keefe, investigative journalist for the The New Yorker, shared chilling stories about his work reporting on the opioid crisis and El Chapo Guzman and the Sinaloa Cartel.

I learned from Saturday to take a break for lunch so I did, missing one session. Then I jumped on it for the rest of the day:

  • Javier Zamora, author of Solito, interviewed by Demetria Martinez, told his story of coming illegally to the USA as a 9-year-old, let by a “Coyote” who left him. What a compelling story! His commitment to standing up for the Latino world touched my heart.
  • Hampton Sides, author of The Fateful Final Voyage of Captain James Cook, interviewed by Mark Bryant, highlighted the process of writing this book and a look at his successful career of writing biographers.

The evening program began with Hakim Bellamy reciting a poem he just wrote to reflect the weekend experience—a powerful statement!

Then the evening and the conference ended with one of my mentors, Anne Lamott, author of Somehow: Thoughts on Love, interviewed by Ellen McGirt. I had waited with anticipation for this talk and she didn’t disappoint me. I have followed her work for years, starting with Bird by Bird, a book that directed my teaching of writing to my students.

Her entertaining, humorous exchange with Ellen and the crowd sent me home celebrating the whole experience.

The books I bought - Santa Fe

Finally, I bought lots of books and got most of them signed by the authors. I talked to a lot of like-minded readers and authors, and I can hardly wait for next year. Being a volunteer gave me an inside view of the mechanism of a super-successful event.

  1. The New Mexico Book Association had a display of New Mexico authors in one room and I had two books there: Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better and Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir.
  2. When I got paperwork Friday night, I saw that Natalie Goldberg and Katie Arnold are offering a hike with walking meditation and writing at the Randall Davey Audubon Center Monday, May 20 from 9:00 am – 12:00 pm, so I’m going! What a way to end this fantastic experience!

Hair on Fire audiobook cover - Santa Fe

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir available in audiobook format at the following places:

Enjoy my interview on the podcast, The Writing Table


Friends · Memories · My Thoughts · Teaching

Rhonda & Rebecca: My Amazing Teaching Teammates!

My teaching teammates, Rhonda & Rebecca, have stayed not only colleagues but dear friends for more than thirty years. What a trio we made at Washington middle school in Albuquerque!

Our meeting was hilarious! In 1991, Joey Vigil, the principal, hired me at Washington middle school, then he left before school started, and Mary Tarango became my new principal. At the time, I lived in Raton, New Mexico, so I made a trip to Albuquerque for the interview. Joey had suggested I might want to meet the teacher I would be “team-teaching” with. So, I returned to Albuquerque once more in mid-summer, after setting up a meeting.

When I met with Jane Duncan in her classroom, we hit it off wonderfully, until I said, “I have these plans for my language arts class. What do you think?”

“Wait a minute! I teach language arts!” she exclaimed. We knew there was a mess-up, so we ran down to the office. Mary apologized and said, “Larada, you teach with Rhonda Sandoval. Give her a call and maybe you two can meet before you go back to Raton.”

So, I called Rhonda and asked when she wanted to meet. “The week before school starts works for me,” she replied! What a difference!

When we met, Rhonda said she grew up in Cuba—I hadn’t met a Cuban before. I responded, “Boy, you don’t have much of an accent.”

She laughed, “Cuba, New Mexico, not the country of Cuba.”

So, our team was formed! We worked together for 8 and ½ years. Originally Rhonda taught Science, Math and Social Studies; I taught Language arts, Literature and Spanish. What a heyday in education this was! We were responsible for everything for our students: discipline, curriculum, everything! I loved this “Middle School” model. Being a sociology major, Rhonda taught me class management skills, focusing any disciplinary action as a learning experience for the student.

During this time, we did interdisciplinary units. When we did a unit, we focused lessons on all content areas, and what a rich learning experience for our students instead of worksheets and seat work. An example was our Future Cities unit with a science focus. Students begged to stay in at lunch to work on this project. We also did a Native American unit where we lined our hallway with miniature teepees. We had potlucks as often as we could, thoroughly enjoying the delicious Mexican food provided by the parents. I really learned what team-teaching was with Rhonda.

One year, I found a wonderful middle school Halloween play with lots of vampire parts! One of our educational assistants translated the whole play into Spanish. So, for each class, we had an English version and a Spanish version. My focus was the students memorizing their lines. Rhonda shocked me the first year with her set design. Halloween morning, we arrived early with students waiting for us to put their make up on. What a day we had! That became one of my favorite units working with Rhonda!

One favorite yearly celebration I organized with my students was a surprise birthday party for Rhonda in January. Our students loved helping me and kept the secret! I’m sure the first year we surprised her, but every year after that, she always acted surprised, and it blessed the students so much!

Our relationship grew past just colleagues, and we became fast friends. We took care of each other during personal times of stress over the years, and it continued after I left Washington middle school. When Mom was sick in the hospital, Rhonda came once with a homemade pie for us and then just to visit. And our friendship stands as strong today as it did in 1991—33 years ago! We get together periodically to catch up on each ourselves’ lives.

Then at a certain point, our team of two grew to three. Mary, our principal, asked Rhonda to take a student teacher. We discussed it at the time and decided it was time to grow. Because of her amazing student teaching time with us, Mary hired Rebecca, and she joined our team the next year, and our teaching assignments change. Rhonda taught Math and Science; Rebecca taught Social Studies and Literature; I taught Language Arts and Spanish. We marveled at how easily Rebecca fit in with us! We loved her positivity! She warned us she would have a boat after she graduated. We laughed at the thought of it on a teacher’s salary. At the end of the year, we bought her a Barbie boat for her graduation party. And guess what? Rebecca had a boat within a year.

I’m not sure how many years the three of us worked together—those wonderful days all melt into one, but I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with them. We worked hard and balanced it with delicious lunch times at our favorite Chinese restaurant, Liu’s, near the school. Often, we had “Friday Afternoon Club” times together after work at a local bar with other dear friends from La Washa, our dear nickname for Washington middle school. So many memorable times together—and they have continued.

So, at the end of 1999, I left Rhonda and Rebecca—one of the hardest decisions I ever made. Because I had been having an issue with the new principal, I had been looking at other schools. Then there was a gun incident with one of my students who brought a gun to shoot me, and my transfer to another school became a part of the agreement made as a result of that.

My retirement party with La Washa Ladies! - Rhonda
My retirement party with La Washa Ladies! Back row: Carolyn, Rhonda, Danette, Aggie, Rebecca. Front row: Isabel, Larada & Mary

But the three of us stayed connected with dinners together, and we continued our involvement in each other’s lives. We attended a wedding of one of Rebecca’s daughters. When Mom died, Rhonda and Rebecca drove the four-hour drive to Trinidad, Colorado to Mom’s funeral to support me. After I retired, Rhonda threw a fun-filled party for me with several of our La Washa friends, including Mary, our principal. When Rebecca’s sister died a couple years ago and her dad died last year, Rhonda and I supported her by going to their funerals. Rhonda’s Dad died last year, so Rebecca, Carolyn (another La Washa teacher) and I drove to Cuba, New Mexico to support Rhonda and her mom.

Here thirty-some years later, we have a precious relationship, spanning so much change. In those years I’ve married three times and divorced twice. Rhonda and Rebecca stood up with me as two of my maids of honor at my marriage to Lin in 2011.

Now we get together occasionally—Christmas time for sure. We stay connect a lot through Rebecca’s texts about the current fundraiser for her granddaughter’s sport team or the lotto has gone off the map. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I called either or both of them, they would be there immediately. That’s what thirty+ years of friendship and professional connections looks like!

Do you have women like this in your life? I have had so much fun celebration Women’s History Month with the women in my life. One more week to go! Join me next week for my celebration of the women in my life!

Keep calm and vote! Rhonda

FINAL ROUND—At this time, I’m in 1st Place! Help keep me there! Vote for my book cover and make me the “Cover of the Month” queen. https://allauthor.com/cover-of-the-month/17423/

Enjoy my recent interview on the podcast, The Writing Table


Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir available in audiobook format at the following places:

~SHOP TODAY FOR YOUR AUTOGRAPHED COPY! Shop at my Etsy Shop or my Shopify Store

Christianity · God · My Thoughts · poetry

Some Difficulties with Dictation But Still Great!

Woman excited about working a computer - difficulties

I had some difficulties with dictation last week! Yes, I experienced difficulties with two aspects: poetry and Spanish words. See what happened.

The second piece I found while rummaging around in files in my bookcase was a poem I wrote April 20, 1991 after driving from Raton, New Mexico to Chimayo, New Mexico on Good Friday. Finding this gem thrilled me, but again I didn’t want to type it up—these old arthritic fingers of mine groaned! So, I continued my experiment with dictating.

Because of the breaks in the lines, I had to deal with that. I tried saying, “Return,” but it just typed the word, so I had to stop reading the poem and press, “Return” for each line. I thought I could give the command and it would work. I need to research that!

When I read the Spanish words, Microsoft Word’s dictionary didn’t recognize the word. So, for the word “sanctuario”, it put in “saint.” I had to retype all the other Spanish words because it did the best it could do! In reality, there weren’t that many.

So enjoy my found treasure that I dictated!


A Modern-Day Pilgrimage to Chimayo

El Sanctuario de Chimayo - difficulties

April 20, 1991

A modern-day pilgrimage to a 
Very holy New Mexico spot for Good Friday–
El Sancturio de Chimayo!

I drove a car; others did too!
I worried I’d be the only one not walking.
I drove 180 miles – anticipating, wondering
About how absurd this waste of a day was, 
yet compelled to go.

Traditional pilgrims – walking miles
Sore feet and backs,
Walking sticks!
Sweat, blisters and dedication.

I studied the faces as I drove by;
Later, as I stood in line with these dedicated souls.
Old wrinkled faces who had done this many times before,
The young being introduced to a lifelong tradition,
Families – sharing a meaningful experience, 
an event mixed with the air of reverence and the joy of a picnic, 
mostly Hispanics, solemn.

Cowboys, hats, horses – expectant,
Shorts, backpacks – water bottles,
Anglos—capturing a borrowed tradition.
Dogs on leashes. An expectant atmosphere.
National Guard men carrying our two flags –
Blowing in the cool breeze,
United States – red, white, and blue
New Mexico – red and gold
waving softly.

I first saw pilgrims
At the east edge of Santa Fe –
A sprinkle. 
Miles from Chimayo.
A few deserted vehicles parked 
on the roadside.
The farther west, I drove the more they were.
Steadily the number increased
The closer we got to Chimayo.

Clouds hung low, threatening snow on this spring day.

We arrived.

Although I was alone in my car
With Windy, my ten-pound black poodle,
I felt a part – a piece of
Something so holy and special –
A part of a deep, reverent belief 
in a beautiful celebration.

Finding a spot, I parked, pulling off of the main road.
I followed the hordes of people.
I followed the sounds.
A priest saying the words of the day on a PA
System that could be heard from a distance.
I dropped down the hillside on a warn path
Into the sleepy New Mexican village, and

El Sanctuario De Chimayo.

Thousands of people milled around – some in line,
Waiting to enter, eating spicy burritos,
Some had accomplished their task early
 and enjoyed the leisure time afterward.

Large, wet snowflakes, drifted down lazily,
	A New Mexico mountain gift.

I stood in line – silent, hopeful, drinking it all in,
Anticipating the event I had
Driven three hours for, yet wondering.
The Spanish language caught my ear – 
The rhythmic voicing of words, 
So beautiful!

First, we passed through an old wooden gate, 
Worn and sacred with the hands that came seeking,
Old, dilapidated and marked
With weather and time. 
No rush, no hurry, no worry!

I touched it. 
I touched life and pain and times before me. 
Other hands had touched it.
Thousands of hurting, hopeful people ready for the blessings
This place had.

Step-by-step, we meandered our way 
into the courtyard which is a cemetery. 
The buried people here in this place, special and honored. 
Trees shaded this place – peaceful and serene.

We neared the door to the sanctuary, 
Closer and closer,
		Massive wooden doors guarding this mountain treasure.

Now I entered. 
The dirt floor inside the door slanted downward.
A charged energy – anticipation – filled the air –
Solemnity of the moment.
No voices, a holy silence.
Incense, chili, burning cedar – luscious smells mixed 
with our anticipation.
People expectant of something –
A miracle.

Reredos lined the walls of the church.
Faded, colorful pictures – 
Meaning
Sacred stories told.

Shoulder to shoulder, two lines threaded their way toward the altar.
People sat in the pews  
praying, 
absorbing the spirit of the place.

As we approached the altar, first, something appeared
As diamonds laying there, 
Sparkling and shine.
Then I realized – bags of dirt,
Holy dirt
Healing dirt
Why I came!

Finally, the altar rail—
I’m there!

As I touched the bag that is mine, 
I felt it, the power.
On the altar, a bultos stood, El Señor Santiago,
riding his horse, sacred.

We slowly threaded our way
Into a small side room.
0h, be careful—low doorway.
Then another small room to the side.

The source of this holy soil,
The hole in the ground.
I knelt down and touched it,
Prayed with it in my hands, 
Rubbed it in my fingers,
Wondering what I could do 
to commemorate this moment – 
Pray, sing, dance, or scream for joy?
No, out of the place—not appropriate.

Upon leaving, I passed through another room, 
Lined ceiling to floor with evidence – 
Thankful letters, abandoned crutches and braces!
So many pieces of
Evidence of healings – 
Miracles!

I left the church.
Outside, I walked around the grounds,
Shaded with tall cottonwood trees,
Almost in a daze. 

Light puffy clouds still filled the sky.
I felt so peaceful, 
Connected 
Grounded to the Earth.
My hands still dirty and moist.
Alone, no one knew my name – yet a part of something
Larger than me!

I wanted to stay! 
To drink in the peaceful liqueur of the moment
To watch more and soak it all in,
But the snow returned.

Reluctantly, I left – to go home.
Windy slept peacefully in the passenger seat
	But happy for my return.

The mystery of this age-old tradition filled me 
My healing came with a connection with
Like-minded people
A sacred place
And my God!

A day taken from my busy schedule.
A step back in time
A day spent alone— yet a part,
Reflecting –
Listening from my heart –
And fulfilling a dream –

Good Friday at
The Sanctuario de Chimayo.
Gate into courtyard of El Sanctuario de Chimayo - difficulties
Gate into courtyard of El Sanctuario de Chimayo

Ash Wednesday is this Wednesday, February 14. Sharing this poem now is timely as we face the forty days of Lent. Hopefully it inspires you to do something memorable this year to commemorate this special time of the year.

Finally, have you tried dictation on your computer this week? Hopefully, my experiment last week spurred you on. Let me know if you did!

Lin standing at the gate of El Sanctuario de Chimayo - difficulties
Lin standing at the gate of El Sanctuario de Chimayo

In April 2015, Lin and I visited El Santuario de Chimayo, and once again, I experienced the sacred atmosphere of this holy treasure of New Mexico.


MAJOR SALE: Buy my first book, This Tumbleweed Landed, at a 60% discount at my Etsy Shop, Larada’s Reading Loft!

Enjoy my recent interview on the podcast, The Writing Table


Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir - difficulties

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir available in audiobook format at the following places:

~SHOP TODAY FOR YOUR AUTOGRAPHED COPY! Shop at my Etsy Shop or my Shopify Store