Tag: rape

An Emotional Trigger: Do You Have Any Idea!
Book Promotion · My Thoughts · Spirituality

An Emotional Trigger: Do You Have Any Idea!

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Emotional redhead - emotional trigger

As an incest/rape survivor, the results of this last election have devastated me. After the unforgettable loss in 2016, this tragic loss has triggered me again emotionally with profound consequences.

NOTICE:

If you’re a Trump supporter, you probably don’t want to read any further and you may want to unsubscribe from my blog posts. The world has changed!

An Emotional Trigger Definition

“. . . a trigger is an instance when you become physically and/or emotionally reactive to something that relates to the trauma you have experienced. These symptoms and feelings are part of your brain’s natural response to unsafe experiences from the past.”

Common Symptoms: Triggers

2016 – An Emotional Trigger Big Time!

In 2016 thinking Hillary Clinton would win, I sat in shock when her defeat was announced. I sat up until after 2:00 AM before she conceded. Lin went to bed earlier but came down stairs and asked who won, honestly thinking she had won.

When I announced who won, it shocked him even though he supported the other candidate. He said I looked like someone had beat me up. And that’s how I felt.

Why did I respond so deeply? He’s a perpetrator, plain and simple. On October 7, 2016, just a month before the election, this was revealed:

“In a video from 2005 published by The Washington Post on Friday, Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump can be heard making lewd comments about women to then-Access Hollywood host Billy Bush.”

https://www.etonline.com/news/199902_donald_trump_and_billy_bush_discuss_nancy_o_dell_2005_recording

He became an emotional trigger for me with this disclosure, but I really felt this horrible information would crater his chance of being elected. It didn’t. My reaction continued through his four year presidency.

2020 – I Wasn’t Prepared for the Emotional Trigger

Thankfully, Joe Biden defeated him! I sighed with relief, but then sat glued to the TV screen on January 6, 2021 when he led a violate insurrection of our capitol. Again, I dealt with an emotional trigger with him and had to listen to him whine about his lost election which he never accepted. He just kept emotions stirred up for years!

2024 – A Deep Emotional Trigger

So, here we are! For many years of my life, I wondered what was wrong with me. I made three bad choices of husbands. During my active drinking days, I never understood my promiscuous behavior because I wasn’t raised that way.

In 1988, recovery saved my life. Since then, I have done a massive amount of therapy and recover for the incest and rape I experienced at the hand of two family members as a young girl. In 1993, I went to sexual trauma treatment in Los Lunas, New Mexico. I had focused on one perpetrator when I went into CoDA (Codependence Anonymous) treatment in 1988. In Los Lunas, I focused on the second one. Now I understand my behavior and know my limits and emotional triggers.

So, the Republican candidates for president and vice president emotionally trigger me deeply with their misogynist comments and posturing. Couple that with the horrendous attacks on women’s rights, and it’s too much.

Therefore, that’s why I can’t stay here!

I’ll end with a haiku I wrote this last week. The first two lines came from my sand play therapy many years.

I’m Marilyn Monroe.

I’m a Samurai warrior.

Don’t f**k with me now!

Finally,

I had to be vulnerable today because one of my great-nieces shared deeply her concerns on social media last week, and I told her I was sharing my story in my blog post. My power today as a woman is my story and telling it. One of my perpetrators tried to silence me many years ago—no more!

If you relate to my story at all, let me know. If you need help, get in touch with the resources listed below or email me at larada@icloud.com and we can talk.

RESOURCES FOR SEXUAL TRAUMA

EXCITING NEWS:

I’m so excited and relieved. I wanted to release this book in August but the dog attack delayed it! Just this week, I released my ninth book, Was It a Dream?: Navigating Life’s Journey Through Poetry.  It’s available as a paperback or an e-book on Amazon.

LOTS AND LOTS OF SALES COMING YOUR WAY, SO BE SURE AND OPEN ANY EMAILS FROM ME!

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Confusion About My Womanhood? A War Raged!
family · My Thoughts · Recovery · Sexual Abuse

Confusion About My Womanhood? A War Raged!

Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment
Confusion about my womanhood

I experienced major confusion about my womanhood for many years. A silent war raged inside me, yet I didn’t understand why. Many women suffer from this same silent killer, and I feel my story is appropriate as the USA again becomes divided over yet another issue—Roe vs. Wade.

You may wonder why I choose to talk about my internal battle on this Mother’s Day. In 1993, my mom played a key role in healing my heart over this tumultuous experience, and her response changed my life.

Let me state my position early so you can decide whether to read on. I am ProChoice. Two family members molested me as a child, causing this stance. I do not support abortion as a means of after-thought birth control, but I support it for mother’s health reasons, rape and incest cases.

As an incest survivor, someone damaged my femininity, confusing me about my womanhood, at an early age. With one perpetrator, this abuse started when I was about four and continued until I was eight or nine. It began with him touching me inappropriately and it ended with him forcing me to touch him. God protected me when the government drafted him, which magically took him away and ended the abuse. I’m sure the next step for him was the rape of an eight years old!

I just did the math and realized he stopped when I was eight or nine. I had always thought it lasted until I was twelve. It seemed to go on forever!

As I’ve read similar stories this week—one little girl pregnant at eleven by her uncle, I had to respond. I’ve spent this week pondering this subject and its effect on me. Specifically, I wondered what would have happened to my family if that person had raped me.

We lived in a small rural ranching community. Everybody knew everybody. At eight or nine years old, I was in the second or third grade, more interested in riding my bike, doing well at school, talking to my girlfriends, and playing with dolls.

Because I would have been so young, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. But had the rape happened to me, me and my family would have been destroyed. Yes, the molestation damaged me, but I kept it secret for thirty-five years. The rape would have been a different story, with immediate outrageous repercussions.

Why do I open this dark curtain to one of my deepest pains? Incest and rape wound little girls, grown women, whatever their age, setting them up to be the victims of rape. If forced to keep the pregnancy of a rape, every day the victim would face their perpetrator, looking at that child and the rape would happen again and again. We can’t let that happen.

Women in a line Confusion about my womanhood

Women, we must unite and stand up for our sisters whose lives have been so damaged by the violent act of rape and incest. We cannot punish the victim of this hideous offense by demanding she keep a baby, the result of violence against the mother.

This message seems especially important and poignant on this day, set aside for mothers across our country. We need not force motherhood upon a woman who is the victim of a crime against her.

Let me share the gift my mom gave me and why I want to honor her today. After I got out of CoDA treatment in 1988, when I first confronted my parents about what had happened to me at the hands of family members, they sat shocked. It totally affected how we met together as a family from then on.

Later, I mustered up the courage to ask Mom about a time I remembered her coming into my bedroom, and I was being molesting and she turned around and walked away. She said she didn’t remember.

In 1993, my confusion of my womanhood, caused by my incest/molestation issues, raged out of control, so I went into Sexual Trauma treatment. The counselor gathered information from the clients about key areas that needed discussion during the family week for healing. So, during that special week, my second husband, Mom and Dad attended. I talked to each about pressing issues. When I got to Mom, I told her about her denial of that incident in my bedroom. She sobbed and sobbed, and said, “I am so sorry.” Her admission healed something so deep inside of me, and our relationship zoomed to a different level after that.

My confusion about me as a woman placed me in many compromising situations. I suffered domestic violence at the hands of my first husband. During my drinking days, my confusion put me in many risky situations, doing things I never thought I would do. Luckily, no one raped me, but after I sobered up, I wondered about my promiscuity. It all tied back to being a little girl robbed of her precious identity as a female and wounded until I sought healing. It has taken decades to resolve this issue for me.

Many wounded women, victims of incest and molestation, aren’t as lucky as me. They fall prey to predators that rape them and leave them to face the choice of what to do with the results of that violent act. Roe vs. Wade gave them an option. With it gone, they have no options.

Finally, I share my intimate story to, hopefully, open your eyes to whom many rape victims are—woman confused about their womanhood, possibly wounded at the hands of a childhood predator and then once more, attacked and victimized as a rape victim. I pray my story makes you think differently about the repercussions for these women with the loss of Roe vs. Wade. We need to protect these women, not victimize them once again.

I want to provide some resources for incest, rape or domestic violence victims:

~NEWEST PODCAST to be released Thursday, March 17, 2022, discussing my new book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? : Live on Purpose Podcast at https://liveonpurposeradio.com/category/podcast/

~MY FIRST AUDIOBOOK IS AVAILABLE: Go to Audible to buy my first audiobook, Let Me Tell You a Story. I’m working on Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? but have gotten stalled with shingles.

~Do you listen to podcasts? Here are three podcasts with interviews about my new book & some Flippo stories:

Just Another Square Dance Caller: Authorized Biography of Marshall Flipp meme

~Have you bought a copy of Flippo’s biography yet? Believe it or not—it’s been two years. Go here for your hardback or paperback: https://www.laradasbooks.com or at Amazon.

~For me, it’s Christmas all year long! Here’s a variety of Christmas greetings from Flippo & Neeca, featuring his song, “When It’s Christmas Time in Texas”: https://youtu.be/mpJCUGffU3A

Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? meme

~What happened to you in 2020-2021 during the coronavirus pandemic? Do you care? Are you on a spiritual path? Do you want to heal from the horrible effects of the pandemic of 2020? Visit my website to find out about my new book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? and my other five books and three cookbooks: https://laradasbooks.com