March is Women’s History Month, and for the last three years, I’ve written about women in my life to celebrate this month. Now, I’m moving forever with a new book I can’t be afraid to publish, so I’m honoring my courage to write.
My new book starts with this epigraph:
“Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
— Sylvia Plath
Relevant Topic I Must Write About
I wrote 50,000 words of my new book in November, 2016, during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) Month. The genre is an AutoFiction (autobiography fiction) where I fictionalized my story of incest. I put it aside when another timely book project fell into my lap.
Last year, when the Epstein Files surfaced once again, it dawned on me I needed to return to this book. I didn’t just want to share my incest story but the healing I’ve experienced over the last thirty-seven years. So many incest survivors’ lives end too soon or the survivor chooses drugs or alcohol to medicate the pain. Or the survivor chooses to act out sexually and ends up a prostitute or a pole dancer in a strip joint. Or the choice is suicide.
Because I found recovery thirty-seven years ago, I am still alive and have found healing in a variety of ways.
The Courage to Heal
Recovery offered me deep healing that led me to other healing opportunities.
At first, I was angry at God and stayed away from my church for over twenty years, but I returned about fifteen years ago and love it still.
For years, I sought out healing through therapy. At first after my first marriage, I followed conventional lines and went to a psychiatrist. Sadly, I was still drinking so I didn’t receive much help, but I kept the door open.
In 1988, I went to Codependency Treatment. I had started attending CoDA meeting prior to that, and those meetings introduced me to recovery meetings. It was at this treatment center I realized I was an alcoholic. I had used alcohol to medicate my hidden pain.
In 1993, I went to Sexual Trauma Treatment because I had two childhood memory flashbacks bombarding me. At this place, they helped me to sort through the memories and reconcile what they were. Also, they introduced me to Sand Play Therapy there.
After that, I found a fantastic Sand Play therapist who I worked with for over twenty years.
A few years ago, I joined an International Meditation group which has contributed to my healing by slowing me down and taking time to listen.
All of these different avenues helped heal me.
The Courage Continues!
Last year, I did EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy because of the dog attack I had in 2024, but we had to go back in my history to some of those incest memories to deepen the healing. This therapist helped me brainstorm possible ways to become an advocate for survivors, and I remembered my book.
Finally,
In this new book, I plan to mix my story with a fictional landscape and other characters. I know that’s this topic is intimate and maybe a trigger for some, but I have summoned my deepest courage to continue with this project and finish it. I felt an urgency today to address the courage it takes to write about this.
With her Panda hat on!At a Branson-Trinchera Reunion! With horseshoe sunglasses
Can we ever write too much about our moms? I continue to honor women in my life for National Women’s History Month, and Mom is a natural to share today.
Today is twelve years since Mom died. I feel melancholy and I yearn for her familiar presence in my life! As I struggle with this anniversary, I remember the multiple moments that explode in my memory of our last day together.
I feel a poem coming on! This is a rough first draft, so let me know what you think! You’re going to get to see how I write my poetry: thoughts come to me and then I go with it, massage it, enlarge it and then possibly delete the whole thing. I’ll share the final copy with you in a couple weeks.
Can You Ever Write Too Much About Our Your Mom?
Your mom, mine Our first playmates, The familiar heartbeat that we knew! She looms large in our lives And then the day comes— She dies! Can you ever write too much about your mom?
Today, twelve years after her death, I wonder— Can I ever write too much about Mom?
Here I am 71, remembering her at my age. I don’t feel old, But I remember her older, Vibrant, A large part of my life!
I circle back to her daily, With a thought, ‘she’d like this. She’d laugh at that!” That’s how she lives with me!
My mom, like yours, holds a special place in your heart. Anniversaries come and go— I’ve cried over the years, But the earthshaking pain Has lessened. Why is today different? Melancholy A deep yearning for her. Why?
I have called my brother several times today, The anniversary of her death, About the NCAA tournament Never mentioned Mom and today’s loss, But I needed him! I needed the connection to her!
As I’ve lived these twelve years Without Mom, I missed sharing my triumphs, My first book, This Tumbleweed Landed, self-published. She never held a brand-new copy in her hands And sobbed with me With my success With tears of joy!
I missed talking about the actual writing, The book awards, My journey And her influence in many of them.
As I researched background for When Will Papa Get Home?, She would have enjoyed a visit to the Philly Place And reminiscing. Mom would have loved Maria and her whole family But cried at the prejudice and injustice they endured.
Actually, she did read my first two books, Because I wrote them before she died. She read everything I wrote, Flooding me with compliments and suggestions to change.
Mom helped me write my book, Let Me Tell You a Story, With Dad in 1992. He dictated the stories to her and she wrote them Out long hand. Then I typed them up— A family production. So, she saw that book published For my dad’s 75th birthday.
Dad and Mom danced to Marshall Flippo So, she would have loved the stories Of our conversation. If she would have read Just Another Square Dance Caller, They would have danced to many of Flippo’s caller friends. Her laughter would have rung out loud at the hilarious Stories and Flippo’s “Dirty joke.”
My grief memoir, Time to Grow Up, about her death and Dad’s, Would have overwhelmed Mom. She was shy, unassuming, never wanting to be On the center stage. So that book would have been too much for her, But I can see her finishing it with a sigh And a comment, “Good job! You captured your pain!”
I am so glad she didn’t experience the coronavirus pandemic, Isolated alone in our home In a small ranching community. Before she died, I called her daily, But I would have called her more often. If she would have read my book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better? She would have answered every question At the end of every chapter And thanked me for the comfort And challenge of the book.
With my book, Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir, Mom would have laughed out loud at the humor, And thanked me for the deep spiritual message I offered the reader.
My new book, Was It a Dream?: Navigating Life’s Journey Through Poetry, Would have thrilled her with reading poetry about George Strait.
And today, Mom would be saying, “ Where’s the next book? I’m ready for it! Come on, girl!”
I keep saying “would have,” but she walked beside me On every book, Sat next to me as I wrote every word.
As I’ve grown in my faith, I miss our deep spiritual talks Driving around the ranch.
Her laughter and sense of humor blessed any time We were together.
For twelve years or longer, I miss her cooking, her rattling around in the kitchen, knowing a delicious meal would be coming soon!
When someone owns a deep space In your heart, Their absence leaves a hole.
I’ve spent twelve years Healing Crying Writing Dancing Healing
But here I am, twelve years later, Missing my mom! Her smell Her laughter Her presence.
Do we ever get over the loss of mom? Can You Ever Write Too Much About Our Your Mom? I can’t!
Finally,
Writing about all the “would haves” for my mom, once again has helped me deal with today. What’s your thoughts?
VOTE PLEASE!
My book, Was It a Dream?, is in 8th spot in the final round right now. Your vote would really help. Last year, my book, Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir, won this contest.
Cecilia Pounds came into my life through square dancing with Duke City Singles and Doubles Square Dance Club, another strong woman to celebrate for Women’s History Month. We held offices in the club at the same time when I first joined. I was secretary; I’m not sure what office Cecilia (known to most of us as CeCe) held. This relationship continued from 1994 until she died in 2022! What an amazing time we had!
Our Similarities
We shared similarities in our childhoods and past lives. We were both divorced, but Cecilia had four daughters. She and I both taught school for Albuquerque Public Schools. CeCe taught Special Education.
We both had small town roots. Cecilia grew up in Groom, Texas and took a group of our girlfriends on a tour of the town on one of their outings. For those of you who don’t know, “It is on Interstate 40 (Historic Route 66) 42 miles (68 km) east of Amarillo and 215 miles (346 km) west of Oklahoma City.”
I had passed that cross for many years with my ex-husband driving to Oklahoma City but didn’t know Cecilia’s connection to it. CeCe was so proud of it. Being on the plains, she grew up on a farm and had wonderful stories and connections to the land. We connected over love and concern for our family farms/ranches over the years.
Cecilia’s Part in Duke City Singles and Double Square Dance Club’s Single Fling
Cecilia is identified to the right with an arrow!
In 1995, I co-chaired the Single Fling that we took over from the Swinging Singles Square Dance Club. Cecilia was a part of the committee, too. The first year we made $50 and felt good about that.
In 1996, I chaired the event, asking Cecilia to be my co-chair and we grew that festival to be so profitable we gave the staff bonuses. This had never been done before! Cecilia suggested that idea to our committee a couple years before we adopted it. Right there you can see her generous nature.
One year at the Single Fling we had an elderly woman from Oklahoma collapse on the dance floor. We called the ambulance, and CeCe went to the hospital with her, giving up dancing at the festival that weekend. She felt this was her co-chairman responsibility.
Sadly, the woman died before her son could make it to Albuquerque. Cecilia had called the son and arranged to meet him half between Albuquerque and the city in Oklahoma where he lived. Even though his mother had died, he wanted to come and address the dancers Saturday night at the dance. She took such great care of him.
As a team, Cecilia and I (with our committee) grew the Single Fling to be a major square dance event in the Southwest with twenty-four squares and more during our heyday.
Cecilia’s Part in Duke City Singles and Double Square Dance Club
Cecilia is second from left – Ten past presidents of Duke City Singles and Doubles Square Dance Club
Cecilia had been president of Duke City Singles and Double Square Dance Club in the past and had strongly supported the weekly event.
In 2013, Lin and I were on our way to the airport. I had just retired and he bought me a relaxing package in San Diego, California. She told him Duke City needed him. They would fold if they didn’t find people to be president and treasurer. She and I had nudged him on this topic for a while, but this felt urgent. He agreed to be president and I took over treasurer, knowing he would put his heart and soul into the position.
Because of her belief in him and urgings, he took Duke City from 27 members to 92 five years later when he stepped down and had others take over. Her belief in Lin brought our dance club back to life. We had an amazing time with all these new members. All because of CeCe!
Cecilia’s Part in Dance-A-Rama
In 2002, CeCe, Wanda and Kathi returned from the Single Square Dancers USA’s annual festival, Dance-a-Rama, with a mission. They wanted to host that event in Albuquerque in 2003. Their demand: I had to chair it! So, guess who I asked to be the co-chair? CeCe!
To promote the event, the committee traveled to various single square dance events around the country. CeCe had a daughter who worked for Southwest so she flew stand-by and could get a couple outfits and a slip into a carry-on suitcase which fascinated me! How did she do that?
On one trip, CeCe gathered together all the crazy comments that had been flung around during our time together working on our Dance-a-Rama. We laughed and laughed at her collection and they gained momentum as the time passed. I borrowed her list and created a t-shirt for each member of the committee as a thank you! Again, CeCe’s influence!
We put on “one of the best” Dance-a-Rama’s in the history of the event. I never remember seeing CeCe much that weekend. She did her tasks and I did mine. I never had to worry about her completing what she had listed, and often she took on more than her co-chair tasks.
Cecilia’s Part in Hot August Nights
Cecilia second from the left
In 2007, three couples and a local caller and his wife took over a failing square dance event in Albuquerque, and I chaired it. Immediately, we lost the caller and his wife the first year, so I asked Cecilia to join us the second year, and she continued as long as she could!
Again, CeCe influenced how we dealt with this profitable event. Immediately, she suggested we donate an item of need to the Albuquerque Square Dance Center where we held the event. This became a yearly tradition for our event, so over the eighteen years we have donated thousands of dollars to the dance hall.
As we grew with Cecilia’s help, we moved this event to become another major event in the Southwest, Hot August Nights. In 2019, we had twenty-two squares—our biggest for this event!
Cecilia’s Part in Albuquerque Square Dance Center (ASDC) Board
Cecilia first on the right. I have my hand on her arm. Pictured with the famous Marshall Flippo
CeCe and I served on the ASDC board together for many years. Any position she held she did all she could and was dedicated to our dance hall.
Aging Changes Things
CeCe at a holiday party
For the majority of the time we worked together, I never saw CeCe as much older than me. At some point, I realized she was eighteen years older and saw her aging. Suddenly, she seldom attended Duke City Singles and Doubles because of medical issues. She had been my right-hand, my go-to gal for so many years—her absence weighed heavy on my heart when I’d scan the dancers on Friday night and she wasn’t there.
Sadly, Cecilia passed away July 23, 2022 and an era came to an end, but her influence continues. After CeCe passed, Hot August Nights continued to donate to the dance hall and in the year she passed, we donated in her name.
I remember her laugher, her reliable support of me in any endeavor of mine and her commitment to her love—square dancing, our club, our events and our dance hall. Outside of the dance world, I also remember Cecilia’s deep love for her daughters and her family. Two daughters who live in Albuquerque built a house with a special casita for her to live out her last years!
PLEASE NOTICE: I need your help! My book cover for my book, Was It a Dream? is presently 9th in the third round of a book cover contest. Last year, my book cover for Hair on Fire won first place for nonfiction on this website. Go and vote this round for it at:https://allauthor.com/cover-of-the-month/19196/
Sheri Dancing with Billy Bob ThortonA fun night Dancing with Billy Bob Thorton
Sheri Pastian stands out as a strong woman in my life, and I want to feature her to start off Women’s History Month. Since 2023, I have featured strong women I know personally in March. I started this tradition three years ago and gladly continue it this year.
Background
Sheri was a successful businesswoman here in Albuquerque with her family bakery, Pastian’s Bakery. She managed the office when her parents were alive, but after their deaths, she not only managed the office but spearheaded the whole bakery—two full-time jobs. Sheri kept the bakery successful her whole time she was associated with it. She has since sold it and is happily retired now.
On a personal note, when Lin and I got married in 2011, Sheri stood up with us as one of my bride’s maids. Pastian’s Bakery made our gorgeous wedding cake!
Our Wedding Party – Sheri on the end on right side
Sheri & My HistoryWith Her
Sheri and I have danced together at the Albuquerque Square Dance Center for nearly thirty years. It fascinates me how our lives wove together after dancing together. In reality, you don’t really get to know someone on the dance floor. It’s the volunteer commitments we shared where we became fast friends.
Dance-A-Rama 2003
In 2001, I chaired the Dance-A-Rama 2003 committee. Single Square Dancers USA sponsored this major festival annually, and I had attended a couple of DARs. When we put the committee together for our event, the original four—Kathi Raver, Wanda Faulkner, Cecelia Pounds and I—spearheaded the operation, but we needed more help.
So, I asked Sheri and her dance partner, John, to do Publicity. They did a fantastic job, selling ads in a program book from local businesses. Sheri also provided bisochitos for our Hospitality Room in the shape of the New Mexico state. The dancers loved them (long-time readers: I’ve mentioned Pastian’s Bakeries’ bisochitos in my Christmas blog a couple years ago). Also, Sheri helped promote the event by attending local dances. I so enjoyed having her on the committee.
The Astronaut Farmer
In 2005 the Albuquerque/Santa Fe square dancers were asked to perform in The Astronaut Farmer. The night we practiced with the stars, Sheri danced with Billy Bob Thorton and became his dance partner for the filming. We had lots of fun teasing Sheri about her claim to fame. See pictures above.
Albuquerque Square Dance Center (ASDC) Board
Sheri and I have worked together on the ASDC board that runs the building for about fifteen years total. Sheri has been the treasurer as I was the president and Contracts’ Person while on the board.
Right now, Sheri’s the treasurer and I’m the Contracts’ Person, and we work closely together. She has been a true joy to work with, reminding me of tasks I need to do or supporting me in my ideas shared at meetings.
We have a shared dedication to the building and its success and work hard to keep things running smoothly.
Sheri, The Broncos’ Fan
Sheri and I are both fanatical Denver Broncos’ fans. During football season, whether Sunday, Monday or Thursday nights, I text Sheri a little before the game, “Are you ready for some football?” Then, we text back forth throughout the game. We’ve done this tradition during winning seasons and losing. Sometimes the game gets so complicated texting doesn’t work, so we call and figure it out together! Sheri makes a Broncos’ game a delight for me!
Dancing With the Stars
Sheri and I both have been avid Dancing with the Stars fans for years. In March 2018, we had the opportunity to see the traveling show. Before the big event, we went to dinner, anticipating the big night. Then someone took our picture at the banner at Popejoy Theater.
We sat high up in the theater, but we knew all the professional dancers and the current stars traveling with the show. In fact, we helped people sitting behind us with their names. What a celebratory night we had!
Heart and Soul of Our Square Dance World
Sheri is the heart and soul of square dancing in Albuquerque. She takes care of everyone. Someone went into the hospital last week—she checked on him and made sure he was okay. That’s just one of many thoughtful gestures she’s done for our dancers.
Sheri’s identified position on the ASDC board is treasurer, but she helps each of us with our tasks and no one is offended by it. She sees the big picture, the tasks involved to keep our building running smoothly and she has no fear gently reminding us.
When I think of Sheri, I hear her infectious giggle and am reminded of her open heart that touched my life so deeply. She’s a co-worker, a friend, and mostly a friend!
