Day 21 – Here and There!: A Poem About Two Places

January 21, 2026January 21, 2026 Larada Horner-Miller5 Comments

For most of my adult life, I have struggled with “here” and “there.” I grew up, moved and had my adult home but my home in Branson, Colorado always called to me.

After our move to Panamá, this poem came up when I was visiting in Branson in December 2025. Witness my current struggle with “here” and “there”!

Here & There: Juggling Two Lives

The familiar train whistle blows

And I know I’m home

In Branson,

A sound that echoes through my childhood.

The wind blows

Dust devils twirl on the plains.

The mesa towers to the southwest of us.

Saddlerock hangs to the west

As another reminder of home.

This my here now!

Our family ranch calls to me

Dad voices his familiar stories

In my heart

Granddad looms large in my history

Mom’s sweet presence and squeals of delight

Echo in my soul

Memories overflow

Even though they’re gone.

Now, sitting beside my brother

With our stories.

He’s the only one who can verify their truth

Our stories

Our family’s stories

Sometimes quiet fills the truck cab

Dust swirls

Silence

Reverence for our shared lives

My brother opens up while we ride around

Safe

With deep stories

His childhood disappointments

At our community church.

I never knew!

Why???

The familiar sights

Cholla cactus

Graceful with arms extended

Yucca

Sharp spikes pointing heavenly

Pinon pine trees

Cedar trees

The smell I love!

Oak brush, orange at this time of the year

Dead trees ravaged by drought and bugs

A windy trail, bumpy with rocks

Reminds me of a Canyon Lullaby!

We try to make daily trips to the ranch,

But our busy schedule doesn’t allow.

Each trip feeds my soul, my spirit, my heart!

The train whistles in the background

Of my life here

Several times a day

Welcomed and comforting!

This house I inherited overflows

With Mom and Dad

I just used Mom’s pressure cooker

To cook spaghetti noodles

She called it her “Poor Man Microwave.”

Dad’s pot on the stove

To add some humidity to this dry climate.

Here my life is

Ranch business,

English, English, English!

No one knocks on my door anymore

My brother only

I visited my 96-year-old friend

But she’s failing!

That’s the here, but underneath

The “there” beckons!

Life there!

Our new life in Panama

Green jungle surrounds us

New friends live near us

They knock on my door.

Beautiful clear mornings as we look towards

Vulcan Barú

Rainy afternoons during the rainy season now.

Our life carved out

Two markets for fun and people

A knitting group

My recovery group

Basketball games, following one of our landlords

A more relaxed life

Less stress

US politics not the focus

No dishwasher in our rental house

Gives me time looking out the window

At the green

The colorful flowers

The hummingbird buzzing the lavender flowers

Being present

A gift!

Here my life is

My book business

Spanish, English, Spanish

Which I love!

I never planned to move

To Panama

I planned to live and die in Tijeras

And visit Branson

My here and there

Used to be Tijeras, then Branson

But we stood on our decision and morals

We said no to the insanity

We took action,

Well planned by Lin

And it happened

Here and there—juggling these two lives

When I’m here, I think of there.

When I’m there, I yearn for here.

My Writing Group

I shared this on Monday with my Writing Group from New Mexico at a Zoom meeting. One person’s critiqued: “I loved the homeyness of it. Also, I can relate to the train because I had a train in my childhood. I also love the line – ‘The “here” now.’”

Another writer in the group shared he loved the visuals and it felt so many of the topics in it were universal.

Finally,

Juggling the here and there has become an art for me—I’ve done it my whole life. What are your thoughts about this poem? Any line resonate with you? Any topic remind you of something in your life? I hope it did and please share it.

Larada Horner-Miller - here — Here or there? Where am I?

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Mom · MY LIFE · My Thoughts · Writing

Mom, Again—Is This Too Much? A Natural for Women’s History Month

March 23, 2025March 23, 2025 Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment

ith her Panda hat on!- would have — With her Panda hat on!

At a Branson-Trinchera Reunion! - would have — With her Panda hat on!

Can we ever write too much about our moms? I continue to honor women in my life for National Women’s History Month, and Mom is a natural to share today.

Today is twelve years since Mom died. I feel melancholy and I yearn for her familiar presence in my life! As I struggle with this anniversary, I remember the multiple moments that explode in my memory of our last day together.

I feel a poem coming on! This is a rough first draft, so let me know what you think! You’re going to get to see how I write my poetry: thoughts come to me and then I go with it, massage it, enlarge it and then possibly delete the whole thing. I’ll share the final copy with you in a couple weeks.

Can You Ever Write Too Much About Our Your Mom?

Your mom, mine
	Our first playmates,
		The familiar heartbeat that we knew!
	She looms large in our lives
And then the day comes—
        She dies!
Can you ever write too much about your mom?

Today, twelve years after her death,
	I wonder—
		Can I ever write too much about Mom?

Here I am 71, remembering her at my age.
	I don’t feel old,
		But I remember her older,
			Vibrant,
				A large part of my life!

I circle back to her daily,
	With a thought, ‘she’d like this. She’d laugh at that!”
That’s how she lives with me!

My mom, like yours, holds 
a special place in your heart.
Anniversaries come and go—
	I’ve cried over the years,
		But the earthshaking pain
			Has lessened.
Why is today different?
	Melancholy
		A deep yearning for her.
Why?

I have called my brother several times today,
	The anniversary of her death,
	About the NCAA tournament
		Never mentioned Mom and today’s loss,
			But I needed him!
				I needed the connection to her!

As I’ve lived these twelve years
	Without Mom,
I missed sharing my triumphs,
			My first book, This Tumbleweed Landed, self-published.
She never held a brand-new copy in her hands
	And sobbed with me 
		With my success
			With tears of joy!

I missed talking about the actual writing,
The book awards,
My journey
 	And her influence in many of them.

As I researched background for When Will Papa Get Home?,
	She would have enjoyed a visit to the Philly Place
		And reminiscing.
	Mom would have loved Maria and her whole family
		But cried at the prejudice and injustice
                     they endured.

Actually, she did read my first two books,
	Because I wrote them before she died.
She read everything I wrote,
	Flooding me with compliments 
and suggestions to change.

Mom helped me write my book, Let Me Tell You a Story,
	With Dad in 1992.
He dictated the stories to her and she wrote them
	Out long hand.
Then I typed them up—
	A family production.
So, she saw that book published
	For my dad’s 75th birthday.

Dad and Mom danced to Marshall Flippo
	So, she would have loved the stories
		Of our conversation.
If she would have read Just Another Square Dance Caller,
	They would have danced to many of Flippo’s caller friends.
	Her laughter would have rung out loud at the hilarious
		Stories and Flippo’s “Dirty joke.”

My grief memoir, Time to Grow Up, about her death and Dad’s,
	Would have overwhelmed Mom.
She was shy, unassuming,
	never wanting to be 
		On the center stage.
So that book would have been too much for her,
	But I can see her finishing it with a sigh
		And a comment, “Good job! You captured your pain!”

I am so glad she didn’t experience the coronavirus pandemic,
	Isolated alone in our home
		In a small ranching community.
Before she died, I called her daily,
	But I would have called her more often.
If she would have read my book, Coronavirus Reflections: Bitter or Better?
	She would have answered every question
		At the end of every chapter
			And thanked me for the comfort
				And challenge of the book.

With my book, Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir, 
	Mom would have laughed out loud at the humor,
		And thanked me for the deep spiritual message
			I offered the reader.

My new book, Was It a Dream?: Navigating Life’s Journey Through Poetry,
	Would have thrilled her 
                with reading poetry about George Strait.	

And today, Mom would be saying, “
Where’s the next book? 
I’m ready for it!
	Come on, girl!”

I keep saying “would have,” but she walked beside me
	On every book,
		Sat next to me as I wrote every word.

As I’ve grown in my faith,
	I miss our deep spiritual talks
		Driving around the ranch.

Her laughter and sense of humor blessed any time
	We were together.

For twelve years or longer, I miss her cooking, 
her rattling around in the kitchen,
	knowing a delicious meal would be coming soon!

When someone owns a deep space
	In your heart,
Their absence leaves a hole.

I’ve spent twelve years 
	Healing
	Crying
	Writing
	Dancing
	Healing

But here I am, twelve years later,
	Missing my mom!
		Her smell
			Her laughter
				Her presence.

Do we ever get over the loss of mom?
Can You Ever Write Too Much About Our Your Mom?
	I can’t!

Finally,

Writing about all the “would haves” for my mom, once again has helped me deal with today. What’s your thoughts?

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Colorado · Mom · My Thoughts

A Redhead Once Again!

February 23, 2025February 23, 2025 Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment

I’m a redhead once again! I’ve not felt like it for the past seven months—but I decided last Thursday it was time, time to reclaim my life.

I’m not a natural redhead, so I became a redhead from a bottle. In fact, over the last seven months, I noticed a strong growth of white hair around my face—not a lot sprinkled elsewhere, but some! I inherited my dark hair color from my mom and grandmother and our German roots.

My Family History

My dad was a redhead, so much so his nickname as a young man was “Red.” I never knew him as a redhead because his hair had thinned out and changed to a brown speckled with some gray. I learned about this nickname years later from one of his friends.

My half-sister and half-brother both were redheads, and I always admired their hair color growing up!

First Time a Redhead

In May 2007, Kathi Raver, Lin’s deceased wife, Lin, Ted and I were at a square and round dance festival in Norfolk, Nebraska. The morning after the festival, we had a delicious breakfast at a local restaurant, rivaling in the fun memories of the weekend and were standing in line to pay.

Kathi noticed a woman in line ahead of us and said to me with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, “Go ask that woman what color she uses. You would look good with that color hair.”

I looked at the woman’s flaming red hair and felt a nudge inside, so I walked up to her, and asked what color she used—”Hot Tamale by Garnier Nutrisse.” I shared this information with Kathi when I returned and tucked it away.

At that point in my life, I hadn’t reconsidered coloring my hair. I had been a beautician for fourteen years before I became a teacher. I experimented regularly with coloring my hair. In fact, I volunteered to be the first to have my hair “frosted” in Beauty School only to end up with a green cast to my frost.

For many years, I bleached out the “frame” around my face and experimented with a variety of shades of color, from silver to pink. Right before my best friend’s wedding, I “framed” my face with red—fire engine red, and it horrified her when she saw me because my maid-of-honor dress was peach, and I was to wear a peach hat. What a clashing color combination that was!

So, I came home from Nebraska and pondered the possibility but didn’t do anything immediately. In June or July, I went to Colorado to visit my mom and told her about the idea. She always loved to do adventurous things with her hair, so we did it.

When I came home a redhead, Ted’s only comment was, “So you did it!” I continued coloring my hair until October or November and decided it was too much work.

Second Time a Redhead

Fast forward to 2013. My mom passed away in March, and in the summer, I needed an uplift—I remembered the “Hot Tamale” color and went for it. I loved the new me in the mirror and I received lots of compliments. It felt right!

Garnier Nutrisse did away with “Hot Tamale” a few years ago, so I changed to “Red Hibiscus” and have loved it ever since.

I continued coloring my hair until July, 2024 when the dog viciously attacked me. To say the less—I focused on recovering and making it through another day. At first, I couldn’t stand easily and used a cane. Then it just slipped past me. In fact, it was too much to do in my mind with all the doctor’s appointments and the pain.

Not a redhead anymore! Notice the white hair!

About 4-5 months after the dog attack, someone asked me, “Where’s the redhead?”

I said, “She’s dead.” I really felt that vivacious, energetic person I had been for so many years had died.

A week ago Friday a good friend, Cindy Gillette, asked me, “Where’s the redhead?” That’s all she knew me as. I told her about my earlier response, but I was feeling more like a red head again.

After pondering it for a few days, I decided it was time. So, last Thursday, Lin (my hearty assistant) and I colored my hair. The redhead is back! I look in the mirror and love what I see! I know in my heart-of-hearts—I’m a redhead!

So, what does that mean?

Am I totally healed? Yes, the wound has been healed for a few months, but I still struggle with nerve damage pain. I’ve had five injections in my ankle and leg with little relief. Next Wednesday, I see the pain management doctor and he’s going to do two trigger point injections in my knee and butt because the pain radiates up from my ankle to my butt. I also have an appointment at the end of March for another three injections in my ankle. We have no idea what the prognosis is.

No, I’m not totally healed, but this redhead can hear her dad saying, “Take the bulls by the horns. Don’t let the SBs win! Drink a lot of ice water and stay in there. Quitters never win and winners never quit.” You can see my ole cowboy dad was full of what he thought were motivational sayings.

Yes, today I agree with Dad—no matter what—I have to be true to myself, keep going and for now—that means being a redhead!

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family · Holidays · Memories · Mom · My Thoughts

A Peaceful 4th of July

July 7, 2024January 4, 2025 Larada Horner-MillerLeave a comment

I enjoyed a peaceful 4^th of July morning this year, sitting in Lin’s luscious garden doing my daily Quiet Time which includes Julia Cameron’s practice of “Morning Pages”—three handwritten pages of what’s going on in my life. Then I joined online an international meditation group I belong to and enjoyed an inspirational poem, “Lady Liberty,” then twenty minutes of meditation and then an opportunity to list three ways I saw God working in my life during the last twenty-four hours.

Peaceful, calm! For sure! Normally, I sunbath, starting in May, but I’ve had some health issues the last couple years and haven’t, so I decided it was time to enjoy the sun again. I donned my patriotic two piece red, white and blue bathing suit and soaked up the sun.

For lunch, Lin grilled hot dogs, then we drove to Albuquerque to drop by garden club friends of ours and enjoyed a lively conversation there and a lovely garden full of blooming lilies. This gardener has been one of Lin’s mentors over the years.

Instead of Fireworks

For the evening, we had decided a couple days ahead of time we would watch the movie, “Oppenheimer.” In May, I heard the co-author of the book, Kai Bird, talk at the Santa Fe International Literary Festival. His comments ignited my interest, so I bought the book there. Then in the last month, the movie came up on Prime, so we decided to watch it.

Peaceful, calm—it wasn’t! What a sad, horrible treatment of a man who should have been deemed a national hero but the insane “Red Scare” and McCarthyism grilled and grilled him. Watching his metamorphoses, he had to deal with what he had done by being the “Father of the Atomic Bomb.”

“. . .after World War II, Oppenheimer lobbied vigorously for international control of atomic energy, proposing that the Soviet Union and the United States submit to a supranational organization designed to allow sharing of peaceful atomic energy information while keeping weapons development to a monitored minimum.”

https://www.atomicarchive.com/history/hydrogen-bomb/page-15.html 

At the end, both Lin and I felt he got the raw end of the deal. Robert Downey Junior played Lewis Strauss superbly and won an Oscar for his performance. At first, I didn’t want to believe him as a villain because I like him so much, but in the end Downey Junior had us cheering when he lost his appointment he sought to be in Eisenhower’s cabinet.

So, no fireworks—no outlandish party with insane behavior! Just a mindful consideration of a piece of our country’s sad history.

As a Child—Peaceful?

When we were younger, I anticipated the first fireworks of the evening: sparklers that we could draw figure eights in the black sky around us. Then all the families in our little country town pooled their money and bought fireworks for us to enjoy, mostly bottle rockets in the 50s. But they lit up the sky and thrilled the gathered celebrants and me! It seemed magical.

As a child on this celebratory day, I focused on fireworks—Black Cat firecrackers my uncle and aunt brought from New Mexico to us in Colorado because they were illegal there, not peaceful! It fact, that was the farthest thing from my mind—I wanted explosions, noise, family around and fireworks.

Many years, our family and friends gathered and picnicked at the Folsom Falls during the day. I always wore my tennis shoes in the water because of the crawdads. I knew they’d bite my toes. Then we returned home for our firework display.

Cuchara, Colorado As an Adult—Peaceful?

Cuchara, Colorado on the 4th of July - peaceful — Cuchara, Colorado on the 4th of July

Later over the years, Mom, my brother and I went to Cuchara, Colorado for the 4^th of July, a small town in southern Colorado that celebrates this day with a short parade, live music with lots of families and dogs (the Dog Bar encourages people to bring their dogs.). What a cool respite on a hot July day.

Pictures in Cuchara, Colorado - peaceful — Mom, my brother and I 2010

First, it was Mom, my brother and I who enjoyed this mountain retreat, starting 2010—cooler weather, fun people and great music. We had so much fun the first time with some rowdy Texan women dancing in the Dog Bar, we had to go back the next year.

Larada playing putt-putt golf - peaceful — Larada playing putt-putt golf

After Mom died, my brother, Lin and I kept up the tradition of going to Cuchara, playing putt-putt golf and dancing at the Dog Bar.

Lin and I at Cuchara, Colorado - peaceful — Lin and I at Cuchara, Colorado

Then my brother’s youngest daughter and her family joined us there. We played putt-putt golf and enjoyed the mountain getaway.

Red River, New Mexico As an Adult—Peaceful?

My niece and I all dressed up for the 4th of July - peaceful — My niece and I all dressed up for the 4th of July

In 2018, we moved this celebration to Red River, New Mexico and found out they had more fun activities for my niece’s two young sons. We also had the privilege of attending a Michael Martin Murphy dance/concert at the Mother Lode bar.

Michael Martin Murphy at the Mother Lode - peaceful — Michael Martin Murphy at the Mother Lode

Branson, Colorado As an Adult—Peaceful?

As for so many, the pandemic changed everything, so we stayed away from the mountain resorts where there would be a lot of people gathering. In 2021, my brother’s two daughters brought their families to Branson, Colorado and we went out on the ranch and shot off our fireworks.

Fireworks on our ranch - peaceful — Fireworks on our ranch

For the last couple years, Lin and I have stayed home—peaceful and calm. But I still remember those family-filled holidays with loved ones and am thankful for the memories.

Finally,

This 4^th of July in Lin’s garden and being with him felt good—the right way to celebrate this patriotic day. Peaceful and calm has become something I enjoy these days.

How about you? What did you do for this holiday?

Buy My Audio Books:

This Tumbleweed Landed

Let Me Tell You a Story

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Memoir Audiobook

Hair on Fire: A Heartwarming & Humorous Christmas Memoir audiobook cover - peaceful

Enjoy my interview on the podcast, T he Writing Table

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Category: Mom

Day 21 – Here and There!: A Poem About Two Places

Here & There: Juggling Two Lives

My Writing Group

Finally,

My Newest Books

Buy My Audio Books:

Goodreads reviews for Coronavirus Reflections

Mom, Again—Is This Too Much? A Natural for Women’s History Month

Finally,

VOTE PLEASE!

My Newest Books

Buy My Audio Books:

Goodreads reviews for Coronavirus Reflections

A Redhead Once Again!

My Family History

First Time a Redhead

Second Time a Redhead

So, what does that mean?

My Newest Books

Buy My Audio Books:

Goodreads reviews for Coronavirus Reflections

A Peaceful 4th of July

Instead of Fireworks

As a Child—Peaceful?

Cuchara, Colorado As an Adult—Peaceful?

Finally,

Buy My Audio Books:

Goodreads reviews for Coronavirus Reflections