For so many years, poetry about loss and death has comforted the grief-stricken. So, this week for National Poetry Month, I’d like to look at that poetic topic.
On Thursday, I attended a Celebration of Life of a dear friend and saw the juxtaposition of joy and sorrow in real time. Poets have done that for years.
So that led me on Friday to select the poem, “When Death Comes” by Mary Oliver as the inspirational reading for my meditation group as I led it that day. My emotions still ran strong with attending yet another service for a loved one. As we get older, that seems to be the norm. And when I need consolation in poetry for strong emotions, I turn to Mary Oliver’s sensitive and powerful poetry.
When Death Comes
When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measles pox
when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity,
wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
—Mary Oliver
My Response to “When Death Comes”
In response to this poem and our meditation time together, I wrote the following haikus. Remember that a haiku is a three-line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second and 5 in the third. Traditionally the third line should hold some spice, some punch. That’s why in my fourth haiku below, I provide three choices. Which one do you like the best?
When death comes, I want
To be astonished with it!
To run—shout for joy!
When death comes, I will
See Jesus and run to him.
He will hold me close.
Finally, I will be
Home at last—where my heart is!
Familiar faces!
No longer do I
Fear death. It’s the gateway there.
- I know many there.
- It’s dying I fear.
- My heart has been there.
Other Mary Oliver poetry about death and grief:
- Love Sorrow from Red Bird
- Ocean from Red Bird
- No Voyage from New and Selected Poems
- After Her Death from Thirst
- A Pretty Song from Thirst
Yes, the topics of poetry span all of life and death. In my book, A Time to Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief Memoir, I address the loss of my parents in poetry, especially my mom.
Here’s one of my poems dealing with her death:
I Want You Back! Or Do I?
January 27, 2014
I stand at that mysterious wall
between life and eternity
and scream,
"I want you back!"
I pound my fists.
I scream!
I cry,
but nothing changes.
You slipped
through my fingertips.
I grasped.
You were here one second
and
gone the next!
Nothing I could do
would hold you.
Where are you now?
Sitting next to Jesus and Dad—
smiling
youthful
relaxed
happy!
I hope so!
I am earth bound—
held in place
by time and
my human existence!
I now know more,
realize there's more.
There has to be!
A small peephole
opened into eternity
at your death bed.
Surprisingly, a small kernel of hope was
born that day for me.
Life ended here for you
so quickly!
Your shell of a body
lay limp and lifeless
in that hospital bed.
I saw your last breath,
but I also saw something else
slight
faint
Relief for you!
A passing
A knowing
that you are gone
from here,
but will wait for me
there.
In my solemn, desolate space,
I will still cry,
"I want you back!"
But today I know
that
I don't want you back—
I want to join you
there!
Larada Horner-Miller, A Time to Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief Memoir, (Horner Publishing Company, 2017), 193-195
Life, death and everything in-between—poetry addresses it all and comforts the soul. If any of you feel sorrow or grief today, I hope these verses touched your heart and gave you some solace and relief!
Finally,
do you have a favorite poem that addresses loss and death? Grief? Sorrow? Let me know so I can add it to my list!
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